Rise Up
by TouchOfGrey714
Summary: When fear chases after you and follows you, what would you do: shy away or rise up? After a less than amazing ending to her time in medical school, Meredith Grey is ready to rewrite her story in Seattle. Inspired by the lyrics of "Rise Up" by Andra Day. Rated T for mature themes. I do not own Grey's Anatomy. ***Currently on hiatus for planning***
1. Preface

**Author's Note: Hey guys! Thanks for your interest in** **Rise Up** **. This is my first** **Grey's Anatomy** **fanfic and the first story that I have published in four years, so hopefully it's up to the standards set by the other amazing** **Grey's** **writers out there! I decided to post a preface to judge the level of interest in this story. Fair warning, there is a lot of vagueness in the preface, but if continued, it will all be explained. Enjoy!**

Preface:

Meredith Grey was never one to quit, especially not something she loved. She would always scoff at all of her former classmates who dropped out of medical school for whatever reason, and she quickly lost respect for those who gave up because it was "too hard." Meredith knew medical school was difficult, but she liked to reserve the word "hard" for what she'd been through in life. She'd suffered through her early years, so she knew what "hard" really was. Unless they had gone through similar traumatic events during childhood, Meredith couldn't respect those who gave up when things became difficult.

In this moment, Meredith couldn't respect herself.

She took a deep breath as she entered the office of Massachusetts General Hospital's Chief of Surgery, Dr. Kelli Sutton, knowing that she may never be able to forgive herself for what she was about to do.

"Chief Sutton, can I speak to you for a moment?" Meredith asked quietly.

"Dr. Grey, your intern year doesn't start for another two weeks. How can I help you today?" Dr. Sutton said, looking up from her work and smiling.  
Meredith handed her the piece of paper in her hand and quickly said, "Chief Sutton, I just wanted to thank you so much for the opportunity to be a part of the intern program this year, but this is my letter of resignation."

"What? Dr. Grey, this is one of the most sought after intern programs on the East Coast, and you were a clear choice for the program. I can't believe you've decided to pursue other interests."

"Actually, I haven't. I'm still going to become a surgeon, but I've decided to accept my invitation into the internship program at another hospital. I thought very carefully about this decision, and I realized that it is in my best interest to pursue my career at another hospital."

"Well, may I ask where you plan on going?" Chief Sutton asked.

"I received an offer to spend my intern year and residency at Seattle Grace Hospital in Washington state. I grew up in Seattle, so I figured returning back to my home wouldn't be the worst idea," Meredith said. She figured the brilliant Chief of Surgery would easily see through her lie and know that there was a deeper reason behind why someone would give up such a prestigious job to make a lateral move to a less impressive institution.

"Well, Dr. Grey, this is quite a surprise, but if you're certain that you want to give up your spot in our intern program, I will remove you from the roster."

Meredith closed her eyes and took a shaky breath. In that moment, she almost changed her mind. Almost.

"Yes, Chief Sutton, I'm sure. Thanks again for the opportunity," she said before turning and leaving all of her plans at the door.

Meredith's best friend, Abbey, from Dartmouth was waiting outside of the chief's office for her.

"So how'd it go?" Abbey asked.

Meredith simply just shook her head with her eyes closed.

"You did the right thing, Mer. You need to get out of here. You need to keep yourself safe, and you can't do that here. You told me about all of your struggles as a child and how you lacked control of your own life because of it. You weren't supposed to lose your right to choose when you became an adult, but you did, and staying here will just keep you chained down because you _know_ that when action is taken, you'll be ruled by fear."

"Getting accepted into the intern program here was everything I ever wanted. I'm about to lose everything that is familiar to me, and I probably won't see you for a long time, if ever again. How can I think of this being the right thing if it hurts this much?"

"Stop talking like that. You're Meredith Grey. You're going to go to Seattle and kick ass there because you won't let this stop you. You won't let this _define_ you. In several years, it's going to be _your_ name that everyone knows, _your_ name that hospitals across the country are desperately trying to get signed to a contract, not _his_. So what if you aren't practicing at Mass Gen? Seattle Grace is lucky to have you and you're going to be amazing there."

Meredith looked at her best friend appreciatively and wondered how on earth she was going to get by without her.

 **I love feedback and would love to know what everyone thinks, so if you could please let me know what you think in a review or a PM, that would be awesome! I really would like for this to be a fanfic that people enjoy, so let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hey guys! So from the feedback I've received, there's definitely interest in this story, so (obviously) I'm going to continue posting. This story is being told from third person limited omniscient point of view, so the narrator knows everything that's going through Meredith's head. If the point of view changes at some point during the story to where the omniscience shifts to another character, I will let you know at the beginning of the chapter. As a rule, if I don't say anything at the beginning of the chapter, all italic thoughts are Meredith's. Also, throughout the story at varying points, there will be flashbacks in Meredith's memory that are also italicized and separated from the rest of the story by extra space.**

 **My plan is to have longer chapters, but when I edited what I had written, the end of this chapter was a good place to stop, this chapter is a bit shorter than what I'd like to post in the future. Also, if you have ideas about what caused Meredith to leave Mass Gen before it is officially announced, please respect the other readers and not discuss any concrete theories in reviews. I'd be happy to discuss it with you in a private message!**

 **I hope you enjoy Chapter 1 of Rise Up!**

* * *

Chapter 1:

Meredith Grey knew that getting drunk the night before anything important was out of the question and was _always_ a bad idea. For some reason, though, that wasn't stopping her. She pushed aside the thought that tomorrow morning's impending hangover was going to make her first day hell, and she ordered a shot of tequila.

"Straight tequila. Really? You are going to be sorry in the morning," the bartender said.

Meredith shrugged it off, saying, "I'm always sorry in the morning, but tomorrow I start my first day at work, so keep them coming."

The bartender gestured so as to say "suit yourself" before preparing to make another drink. As Meredith was about to down her first shot of the night, a man in a red shirt came to the bar next to her. Meredith spared a glance at the man as she took a drink.

"Double scotch, single malt please," he ordered in a silky smooth voice that gave Meredith chills. She risked another glance at the man and tried to quickly take him in. She was only able to focus long enough on his thick mane of dark curls before he peered over at her with a head-turning smile.

 _Busted_ , Meredith thought to herself and quickly turned away and back to her drink, desperately trying to ignore the excellent specimen of pure male glory sitting next to her and begging him not to say a word to her.

"So is this a good place to hang out?" he asked. Meredith peaked over at him out of the corner of her eye to make sure she was not about to answer a question that wasn't asked of her and saw him watching her carefully.

She turned to look at him so as not to be rude and said, "I wouldn't know. I've never been here before."

"Oh, you know what? I haven't either. First time here. I'm fairly new in town. I'd never been to Seattle, but I got a job, so…" he trailed off. Meredith diverted her attention back to her drink as he spoke. She knew where this was headed, and it wasn't somewhere that she would go again. Not so soon after... She stopped that thought immediately and tried to clear her mind of it.

"Ah. You're ignoring me," he said definitively.

Meredith turned her attention back to him and said, "I'm trying to."

"You shouldn't ignore me."

"Why not?" His eyes gleamed and he gave her a mouthwatering half smile as he casted his eyes downwards.

"Because I'm someone you need to get to know to love."

Meredith had to give him points for his confidence, so she smiled at him. He returned a bright-toothed smile back to her.

"Really?" Meredith asked incredulously.

"Oh yes."

"So if I know you, I'll love you," Meredith said bluntly so as to alert him to how insane it sounded.

"Oh yes," the man responded again, this time sounding even more confident than the first time. He smiled adoringly at her, but Meredith knew it was nothing more than a ploy to get her into his bed.

"You really like yourself, huh?" His playfulness disappeared for a moment as a trace of gloom crossed his face.

"Just hiding my pain." Meredith couldn't help but laugh at this, and she was rewarded with a laugh from him as well.

The man took a breath before asking, "So what's your story?"

She had a story, one that froze blood. It made her numb just thinking about it…

* * *

 _One month before…_

 _"_ _How're you doing tonight, Meredith?" Brian asked, coming to sit next to her on the couch. Danielle's party was well underway, and all of the med students were celebrating the ends of their time in med school; they'd taken their last finals that afternoon. They weren't med students anymore, they were doctors. Each one of them had received an invitation to practice in intern and residency programs across the country, and one of them was even going to Europe for his residency. Meredith was excited to know that going into her intern year at Massachusetts General Hospital, she would walk in knowing several other faces, her best friend Abbey and Brian included._

 _"_ _I'm…good. Really good. It's setting in that I'm a doctor now. I can actually make a difference and help save lives." Meredith felt like she was reciting lines. She liked him,_ _ **a lot**_ _, and the whole class knew it. She hated the idea that he probably knew, too, but she was too shameless to do anything about it. It's not like she really_ _ **could**_ _do anything unless she stopped liking him or moved away, but neither of those things were going to happen._

* * *

Meredith turned to look at him again, her shock from the question having worn off. _Well, I just moved across the country, away from everything I know and love, because of fear_. That sounded like the kind of thing you wanted to tell a complete stranger in a bar, especially one who is hitting on you. Her judgment was still poor; apparently moving across the country didn't fix that. If she would've been smart before, she would've walked away. Coincidentally, she was making the same ill-advised mistake again.

"I don't have a story. I'm just a girl in a bar," Meredith settled on telling him. _You really hate yourself, don't you? Stop engaging him and get out!_ The man smiled and raised his glass a bit.

"I'm just a guy in a bar," he said and brought the glass back to his lips to take another swig.

 _Wouldn't those lips be nice to kiss and feel all over your body_ , Meredith caught herself thinking. _No. Stop trying to make this okay. You know it's not and will never be, just like you will never be again._

She focused on him and realized that he was watching her expectantly. _Crap. No escape now. Okay, Plan B: just play nice and be polite. Soon enough he'll get bored and move on to some other girl he thinks will be an easy lay._ One thing Meredith knew for sure was that she was _not_ that kind of girl. _Not anymore_ , her inner demons mocked.

"Are you from Seattle?" he asked, clearly fishing for some kind of response. _Man, this guy just doesn't quit._

"I moved two weeks ago from Boston—you know what? We don't have to do the thing."

"Oh, we can do anything you want," he said smoothly.

"No, the thing. Exchange the details, pretend we care," Meredith starts and sees that he's almost laughing, "because I know you don't. Guys have a one-track mind, and I'm not here for that, so I think I'll just head out now."

He raised an eyebrow, silently questioning what she meant by that, deciding to let it go. Clearly, it wasn't likely that he would see her again, so he didn't have to clear the air of that.

"Can I at least buy you a drink?" he asked. _No! Haven't you learned at all from your mistakes? Don't back yourself into that corner again! If you accept his offer, there's no way out._

"Not tonight. Goodbye…um…" and she realized she never found out his name.

"Derek," he finished for her.

"Derek. I'm Meredith."

"Meredith, nice meeting you," Derek said and moved a little bit closer.

She took that as her cue to leave, saying, "Bye Derek," over her shoulder as she headed out of the bar and back home.

When Meredith arrived home, she trudged upstairs and plopped onto her bed, still wearing her little black dress and heels. She released a slow breath as she stared at the ceiling and kicked off her shoes.

If she would have met that guy in a bar two months ago, she didn't have a doubt in her mind that she would have gotten drunk with him and woken up in the morning to him laying naked next to her. She thought about how amazing he had to be in bed.

Meredith began to drift while thinking of curling toes, sticky skin, and luxurious dark curls.

 _It's not your fault…it's not your fault…it's not your fault…_

It wouldn't have been tonight. She would never let them tell her that it was her fault again.

* * *

 **Author's Note: I'd just like to thank everyone who responded to the first chapter in some way individually! So…**

 **Story followers:** ** _youraturtleharry_** **,** ** _two harts_** **,** ** _Kaasiek_** **,** ** _fenisia18_** **,** **,** ** _amandawallstrom_** **, and** ** _slexiemerder_**

 **Special thanks to** ** _fenisia18_** **,** ** _amandawallstrom_** **, and** ** _slexiemerder_** **for favoriting this story off of only one chapter! You don't know what it means to me!**

 **Reviews: Patsy (guest), MerDer2015 (guest),** ** _youraturtleharry_** **, Mathilde (guest), Lynette (guest), Judy (guest), Guest, Ellen (guest), Guest, Melanie (guest), and Jill (guest).**

 **Thank you all for your kind words! Special thanks to Patsy (guest) for being my first review on this story. I was so excited to see my first review come through so quickly.**

 **As always, I love feedback so please review, follow, favorite, even message me! I'd love to know what everyone thinks!**


	3. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Just a few things before the story. First, my plan is to post a new chapter every Monday. I don't know why, but it seems like a good day for me. Secondly, I forgot in the previous chapter to mention it, and I'm sure that you all realized it, but a lot of the dialogue was taken from actual** ** _Grey's Anatomy_** **episodes. This dialogue continues throughout this chapter, however a good amount of this chapter is my own ideas. As the story progresses, there will be less and less dialogue that occurred in actual episodes of the show, but for now, I have to set the stage. With that being said, I would just like to reiterate that I do not own** ** _Grey's Anatomy_** **. You'd know if I did because Derek Shepherd would still be alive and well. Enjoy!**

* * *

Meredith looked around the operating room she was currently in with roughly twenty other doctors who were starting in the intern program. She was mesmerized by the bright lights and excitement radiating off of everyone.

"Each of you comes here hopeful, wanting in on the game. A month ago, you were in med school being taught by doctors. Today, you _are_ the doctors. The seven years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to your breaking point. Look around you. Say hello to your competition. Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty. Five of you will crack under the pressure. Two of you will be asked to leave. This is your starting line. This is your arena. How well you play? That's up to you," Chief Webber announced.

They all followed him to the intern lockers and changed into our scrubs.

As a doctor began calling names of other new interns to meet their residents, Meredith turned to one of the only other girls in the room.

"Only six women out of twenty," Meredith said.

"Yeah, I hear one of them is a model. Seriously, like that is going to help with the respect thing?" she said, rolling her eyes.

"You're Cristina, right?" Meredith asked.

She never answered the question, but rather posed her own, "Which resident are you assigned to? I got Bailey."

"The Nazi? Yeah, me too." Meredith wasn't exactly thrilled that she was assigned to a resident with such a derogatory nickname. It meant that she was in for a hell of a year, but she'd been through worse…much worse.

"You got the Nazi? So did I. At least we'll be tortured together, right? I'm George O'Malley. We met at the mixer. You had a black dress with a slit up the side, strappy sandals…" a guy with shaggy brown hair interjected. Meredith glanced over at Cristina, and she gave her a knowing look.

"Great. Now you think I'm gay," George sighed.

"Yup," Cristina popped before walking off.

"No, I'm not gay. It's…it's just that…you know, you were…I mean, you were very unforgettable," George stuttered.

"O'Malley, Yang, Grey, Stevens," a doctor called.

Meredith approached the front of the room with Cristina, George, and the blonde intern as they readied ourselves to begin our careers.

"Bailey?" Cristina asked one of the doctors by the door.

He responded by only saying, "End of the hall."

They looked down the hall and saw a short woman at the nurses' station writing on a clipboard and seemingly taking part in an amiable conversation.

"That's the Nazi?" Cristina asked.

"I thought the Nazi would be a guy," George said. Meredith realized how sexist he was being, but didn't have the nerve to say anything.

"I thought the Nazi would be…the Nazi," Meredith muttered.

The blonde intern, who Meredith presumed to be Stevens, said, "Maybe it's professional jealousy. Maybe she's brilliant, and they call her the Nazi because they're jealous. Maybe she's nice."

"Let me guess; you're the model," Cristina said almost disapprovingly.

She glared at Cristina, then turned to Dr. Bailey and moved to shake her hand.

"Hi, I'm Isobel Stevens, but everyone calls me Izzie." Dr. Bailey looked at Izzie questioningly and ignored the gesture.

"I have five rules. Memorize them. Rule number one, don't bother sucking up. I already hate you, that's not going to change," Dr. Bailey said and gestured to the bench next to her, "Trauma protocol, phone lists, pagers. Nurses will page you. You answer every page at a run. A run, that's rule number two."

Dr. Bailey walked away and the group followed her as she continued listing her rules.

"Your first shift starts now and lasts 48 hours. You're interns, grunts, nobodies, bottom of the surgical food chain. You run labs, write orders, work every second night until you drop and don't complain."

She opened a door and continued, "On-call rooms. Attendings hog them, so sleep when you can, where you can, which brings me to rule number three: if I'm sleeping, don't wake me unless your patient is actually dying. Rule number four: the dying patient better not be dead when I get there. Not only would you have killed someone, you would have also woken me for no good reason. Are we clear?" Dr. Bailey asked.

Meredith raised her hand and said, "You said five rules. That was only four."

Bailey's pager beeped, and she glanced down at it before saying, "Rule number five: when I move, you move," and taking off down the hallway.

* * *

When Dr. Bailey's newest patient, Katie Bryce, was settled into her room, Bailey turned to the group of interns.

"O'Malley, you're in charge of Katie Bryce. Dr. Burke wants every test run on her: CT, CBC, chem. seven, tox screen. You're responsible for all of them. The rest of you, I'm assigning you to an attending. You'll the work with them today and do as they ask. Dr. Stevens, you're going to be with Dr. Morris in ortho today. Yang, you're with Dr. Burke in cardio, and Grey, you're with Dr. Shepherd in neuro. Now go, they're each expecting an intern," Bailey ordered.

Meredith took off, blindly searching for anyone who looked like they may possibly be a neurosurgeon. She wandered aimlessly through the halls of hospital before she opened the doors into a wide lobby and looked around. There was a group of doctors discussing something over to the side of the room, but one person there caught her eye: Derek.

 _He's here! What is he doing here? Wait, why do you even care? You aren't interested in him!_ Meredith scolded herself. She was frozen in the doorway when Derek looked up from his conversation, then turned back to it. Meredith panicked that he saw her and then relaxed, before Derek's head turned back her way and stared at her. She took a deep breath and made the conscious choice to hold her head high, walk through the lobby, and ignore Derek's presence.

As she walked past the group of doctors, she heard a voice she knew say, "Excuse me gentlemen." Meredith realized what was about to happen and began walking at a faster pace, but it was no use.

"Meredith, you didn't tell me that your new job was as an intern here," Derek said, moving more gracefully than Meredith at such a swift pace.

"Yeah, well I don't typically tell strange men at bars where I work. That's just asking for trouble," she responded without looking up.

"So now I'm strange? I thought we had a nice time last night." Meredith sucked in a sharp breath and closed her eyes.

"Listen Derek, I don't have time for this right now. I have to find Dr. Shepherd," Meredith responded sourly.

"Oh, you're looking for Dr. Shepherd?" he asked, a smile playing on his lips.

"That is what I said, right?"

"Then look no further," he said and pointed to name threaded into his long white coat. There, above his finger, Meredith read "Derek Shepherd, M.D., F.A.C.S."

"You must be mistaken. I'm looking for Dr. Shepherd from neuro," Meredith scoffed.

Derek chuckled, "Meredith, you wound me." He pulled at his name badge, which read, "Derek Shepherd, M.D. Chief of Neurosurgery."

 _Double crap. You couldn't have been assigned to a different attending. And to make it worse, you just made an ass of yourself in front of the_ _ **chief**_ _of neurosurgery. He couldn't have just been a regular neuro attending. No, I have to make an idiot of myself in front of the_ _ **head**_ _of a department_ , Meredith internally groaned.

"So I take it that you're my intern for the day?" Derek asked.

"Um…no. If you'll excuse me," Meredith said and nearly ran back across the lobby towards the doors that she used to enter the area. She retraced her steps as best as she could and managed to get herself to a place she knew. From there, she scurried back to Katie Bryce's room in search of Dr. Bailey. She found her just outside of Katie's room at the nurses' station.

"Dr. Bailey, can I have a word with you?" Meredith asked.

"Unless you've already run around the entire hospital and found Dr. Shepherd and had enough time for him to send you back to me, there is no reason why you're talking to me and not being a doctor," Bailey said without looking looking from her paperwork.

"Well, that's kind of what this is about. Is there another attending that I could be assigned to today?"

Bailey stopped and looked up skeptically, "What's wrong with Dr. Shepherd?"

"It's just—"

"Grey, I did you a favor. Dr. Shepherd is one of the brightest minds in surgery today and one of the highest rated neurosurgeons in the country. You should be grateful that, on your first day as an _intern_ , you have the opportunity to work with such a talent. Now, quit disrespecting Dr. Shepherd and go do your job," Bailey ordered.

Meredith took a deep breath before turning to head back the way she had arrived. She turned the corner out of the hallway and as she approached the second corner, Derek came around walking towards her. His eyes lit up.

"Meredith, can I have a word with you?" he said.

"Actually—" she started, but he had already pulled her into an abandoned stairwell. She was surprised that the sudden contact pulling her against her will didn't trigger a violent reaction.

"Dr. Shepherd—" she tried to start again before being cut off by Derek.

"Dr. Shepherd? This morning it was Derek. Now it's Dr. Shepherd," he said disapprovingly.

"Dr. Shepherd, we should pretend it never happened."

"What never happened? You walking out on me last night? Or the adorable look on your face when you realized that I'm the neurosurgeon you were looking for? Because both are fond memories I'd like to hold onto," Derek smirked.

"No. There will be no memories. I'm not the girl in the bar anymore, and you're not the guy. This can't exist. You get that, right?" Meredith tried to reason with him.

"You flirted with me and now you want to forget about it."

"I did not flirt—"

"I was drunk, vulnerable, and good-looking and you were flirting."

"Okay, you'd only had one drink, and you are not that good-looking," Meredith said, rolling her eyes.

"Well, maybe not today. Last night, last night I was very good-looking. I had my red shirt on, my good-looking shirt. You were flirting."

"I was not—" Meredith insisted.

"Do you want to go out again? Say Friday night?" Derek offered.

"No. You're my attending. And I'm your intern. Literally _your_ intern today. Stop looking at me like that," Meredith scolded.

"Like _what_?"

"Like you're picturing me naked," Meredith said and watched him smirk before continuing, "Dr. Shepherd. _This_ is inappropriate. Has that ever occurred to you?" Meredith finished, turned on her heel, and moved to leave.

"Meredith—" Derek started.

"That's Dr. Grey to you."

"Fine. _Dr. Grey_. If you're my intern, you can't run off from me. And considering how quickly you took off before and the amount of time you were gone, I'd guess that you already unsuccessfully begged your resident to change your assignment for the day."

Meredith blushed before conceding. She followed Derek back into the main hallways towards Katie Bryce's room and Dr. Bailey.

* * *

 **Let me know what you think! I love getting reviews and notifications of follows/favorites.**


	4. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! First off, I apologize immensely for being late on this update. Time got away from me, and I didn't realize how late I was on this post until earlier today. Because of that, I delved into the update I had prepared and made it longer as my apology. I will still be posting this coming Monday and hopefully I won't have to stray from that schedule. I can't wait to hear everyone's reactions to this chapter. Hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

The rest of Meredith's morning passed in a blur, mostly because she was consciously trying to faze out the fact that she was stuck working with Derek all day. By the time lunch rolled around, she was relieved that she could finally get away from him for an hour.

"How's Katie Bryce?" Cristina asked George.

"Boring. All of her scans came back clean, and all I do is sit around and listen to her whine about missing her pageant. She told me that her pageant talent is rhythmic gymnastics. She's been practicing the routine for this pageant for weeks and got it down just about a week ago. I'm not even sure how I paid attention long enough to remember this, but she fell while practicing after twisting her ankle a couple weeks ago and hit her head, ice her ankle for a few minutes, and then kept practicing. If that's not passion, I don't know what is," George divulged.

"At least you aren't in ortho. I don't know how anyone can enjoy specializing in it. All I've seen this morning is relocating shoulders and consults on surgeries that won't even be happening for a few days. How's cardio, Cristina?" Izzie asked.

"I like the idea of it, but I haven't done very much today. Dr. Burke _is_ brilliant, though, so he'll probably figure out a way to make it exciting for me this afternoon. I'm honestly more curious about being on McDreamy's service."

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked, stunned.

"Dr. Shepherd?" Cristina clarified.

"You're calling him McDreamy?"

"Well if the shoe fits…" Izzie trailed off.

"It's awful. You know how great surgeons know they're great and don't have to point it out because their surgeries speak for them? Dr. Shepherd knows he's incredible and still points out just how great he is," Meredith complained.

"Unless you've been in the OR with him, you can't say that. He could be extremely modest when it comes to the actual surgery," Izzie offered.

"He took me into an abandoned gallery during one of Dr. Nelson's surgeries and told me everything Nelson was doing that he wouldn't or vice versa. And he's also going out of his way to point out the incredible things he's doing outside of the OR. It's annoying. I seriously just can't wait until his shift ends so I can go back to being a regular intern and not Dr. Arrogant's assistant," Meredith complained.

"Wait. He's intentionally pointing out all of his impressive actions? Guys only do that when they're flirting! McDreamy's into Meredith!" Izzie squealed.

"Doubtful. He's an attending, an extremely talented one at that, and I'm just an intern, his intern to be exact."

"Meredith, if a hot attending is interested in you, don't deny it, _run_ with it," Cristina advised.

"If anything, he's only interested in sleeping with me. There's no way he'd be interested in anything else." Meredith knew that feeling all too well.

* * *

 _One month before…_

 _The walk around campus that Meredith was currently taking seemed less familiar than she would have expected for a school that she had attended for multiple years. Maybe it was because she would be graduating soon, so she was noticing all the little details she hadn't cared to focus on before._

 _That didn't matter to her. On what may be her last peaceful walk around campus, Meredith was accompanied by the one person she'd fantasized about taking this walk alone with: Brian. She still didn't know why she had said something about taking a walk while at the party, and she certainly didn't know why he was so adamant about actually going, but Meredith was there, walking side by side next to the same guy she had_ b, Meen _crushing on since meeting him at the beginning of med school. Even in the crushing humidity of New Hampshire summer air, a chill ran down Meredith's spine._

 _Brian suddenly stopped walking and grabbed Meredith's wrist, pulling her towards him. He abruptly had his lips on hers. It took Meredith a few seconds to realize what was happening and respond appropriately. When Brian pulled away, Meredith was in complete shock._ He kissed you! He actually kissed you, _Meredith celebrated internally._

 _"_ _I really want to be with you," Brian announced suddenly. Meredith felt her pulse quicken at those words._

 _"_ _I'd like that, too," she whispered. She welcomed the following kiss gratefully. She registered him moving them along their walk as he kissed her, but she didn't care enough about campus to insist on opening her eyes._

 _"_ _Steps," he whispered, and Meredith's only reaction was to shuffle up them without watching where she was going._

* * *

 _That was your first mistake_ , Meredith thought to herself.

"I don't know. You're hot, so I wouldn't count yourself out yet," some guy said and everyone at the table stared. "Sorry, my name is Alex, Alex Karev. I'm with Jeremy."

"This is a private conversation, so in the future, it would be appreciated if you could _not_ eavesdrop. And also, crude comments about someone before you even know them don't make good first impressions," Izzie said with a glare in his direction.

"As much as I agree with her, don't mind Izzie. I'm Meredith. That's Cristina and George."

"Nice to meet you guys. And Meredith, I don't know who this guy is that you're talking about, but I wouldn't count him out so quickly either. Get to know him a little more before deciding that he's only in it for the lay," Alex advised.

 _They're_ _ **always**_ _only in it for the lay._ Meredith nodded even though she wasn't at all convinced.

* * *

When Meredith returned to Derek's service after lunch, she immediately noticed that he was stressed. He was bent over a patient's chart, eyes squinted with focus. Just before Meredith reached him, he shoved both of his hands through his mane of curls in desperation.

"Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith said quietly.

"What? …Oh, Meredi—I mean, Dr. Grey. What can I do for you?" Derek stumbled.

"I'm no longer on my lunch break, so it's really what I can do for you. Whose file is that?"

"Katie Bryce's. She's a mystery."

"What do you mean?"

"In the hour that you were gone, she had multiple grand mal seizures. She doesn't respond to meds, so her heart stopped. I had to shock her back," Derek's eyes clouded with disbelief.

"Did you load her with Diazepam, Prazepam, and Phenobarbital?" Meredith asked.

"Of course I did! I _do_ know what I'm doing!"

"I didn't mean to make it out that you didn't…I'm sorry."

Derek took a deep breath and shoved his hands through his hair again, "No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have attacked you like that. I know that you asked as more of a learning moment for you. I'm just stressed. Katie's father dug into me a little bit ago…said he wants a doctor who knows what he's doing to replace me. I'm a little on edge about the whole thing."

"Oh…"

"Those seizures had no visible cause. There's nothing in her labs or on her scans that mandated them. She's a ticking clock. If I don't make a diagnosis soon, she's going to die."

"So you scouring her file for anything that could possibly help you find the cause?"

"I have no other choice, but I've read through her file three times already and there's nothing of aid," Derek grumbled.

"Well something I learned in med school is if you can't figure out an answer, you should try to read the information out loud. Sometimes hearing it triggers you to think from a new perspective. It doesn't really help if you're stuck in an exam, but it may help here," Meredith offered.

"Okay. Katie Bryce, 15-year-old female, having multiple grand mal seizures with no visible cause. All of her labs and scans are clean. Her medical history shows no previous head injuries. There's no history of epilepsy in her—" Derek started.

"Wait," Meredith interrupted. Derek looked at her expectantly.

"You said that there is no record of head injury in her history?"

"That's what it says here, Dr. Grey."

"My friend George…er, Dr. O'Malley is the intern who is assigned to her case. During lunch, he was telling us that she competes in beauty pageants."

"Yes, I know, but we still have to save her life."

"That's not what I meant. Her talent is rhythmic gymnastics. Dr. O'Malley was telling us that a few weeks, she fell during her routine. He said she got right back up and kept practicing, so it must have been minor, but she told him that she did hit her head. What if her doctor didn't think to mention it because it was so minor?" Meredith thought out loud.

"What are you getting at?"

"There's no medical proof of an aneurysm, but what if she has one anyways? She did fall and hit her head."

"Do you know the chances of a minor fall bursting an aneurysm? One in a million! Literally," Derek scoffed.

Meredith had nothing to say to that. She thought she was on track to figuring out what was wrong with Katie, but if the chief of neurosurgery thinks it's crazy… Maybe she really wasn't cut out to be a doctor.

"Let's go," Derek ordered, shutting Katie's file.

"Where?" Meredith asked confused. _He's about to drag you back to Dr. Bailey and demand a competent intern to be on his service._

"To find out if Katie's one in a million."

* * *

Derek asked George to bring Katie down to CT again for another scan. Meredith and Derek stood by as the scan was performed and as the images developed. Meredith was panicking; Derek had put so much faith into her rambled attempt at a diagnosis. If she were completely wrong, she'd be so embarrassed that she would not be able to show her face around him again. _At least then he'd stop trying to sleep with you. Brilliant neurosurgeons don't want horrible doctors in their_ —

"I'll be damned." Meredith rejoined the world around her and looked at the scan appearing on the screen.

"It's minor, but it's there. It's a subarachnoid hemorrhage. She's bleeding into her brain. She could've gone her entire life without it ever being a problem. One tap in the right spot… Now I have to fix it," Derek announced. Derek walked out of CT and into the hallway, Meredith following closely behind him.

"What?"

"Come on. We have to tell Katie's parents that she's having surgery."

"Today?" Meredith asked surprised. Derek stopped walking.

"Yes, and you're scrubbing in," Derek said bluntly.

"Excuse me?"

"Judging by the look on your face, I'm guessing you heard me correctly."

"I'm an intern, a _first-day_ intern. We don't scrub in on surgeries!"

"Dr. Grey…no. Meredith. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have been able to make this diagnosis. On your first day, with very little training, you helped save her life. You've earned the right to follow her case to the finish," Derek praised.

Before Meredith could think about what she was about to say, she blurted, "You know that I'm not going to sleep with you for this, right?" _Crap! What did you just do? Why did you say that?!_

Derek's jaw dropped. It took him several seconds to recover from that comment, but when he did, his entire demeanor changed. Meredith couldn't gauge what he was thinking; for all she knew, he was about to march down to human resources and file a sexual harassment claim against her.

"Meredith, come with me," Derek finally said and took a few steps down the hallway, expectantly waiting for Meredith to follow.

"I really don't think that—" Meredith started, trying to avoid the embarrassment that she was sure would ensue.

" _Dr. Grey_. Now." Meredith sucked in a hard breath and started walking down the hallway behind Derek. She knew she was in deep water, but she wasn't sure exactly how deep. Derek opened the door into an empty on-call room and ushered her in. He stepped in and locked the door behind him. Meredith watched Derek's face and readied herself for the professional scolding of a lifetime.

"That comment was uncalled for, Meredith." _What?! That's all he's going to say about that kind of unprofessional behavior?_

"That's it? That's all you're going to say about what I said?"

"Meredith, I get it. You're panicked and suspicious of my intentions. What you said in an open hallway was extremely unprofessional, but I'm going to let it go and pretend it didn't happen." _He understands? You just labelled him as a sex-crazed pig, and he understands why you did it? Meredith, you aren't giving this guy enough credit. He is nothing like Brian._

"As for the surgery, you will scrub in. You're an incredible doctor who deserves the opportunity to help save a life. You shouldn't let the fact that I'm interested in you get in the way of you taking your shot."

"All of this isn't just to sleep with me. You honestly believe in me?" Meredith whispered.

"Of course I do," Derek started, but Meredith couldn't focus on the words. She was too busy reeling from the words he had already said.

"You've proven that you are one hell of a doctor. You didn't bust your ass in med school just to give up the first surgery that you're offered. You're better than—" Derek continued before being cut off by Meredith nearly throwing herself at him.

Before either of them could realized what she had done, their lips were pressed together, moving in rhythm with each others. She pulled back after a few seconds, both of them breathless.

"I'm so sor—" Derek grabbed Meredith by the waist and pulled her flush against him, quickly pressing their lips back together. He wrapped his left arm tightly around her waist as his right hand worked its way up to cradle her face. Meredith's body reacted before her brain and her hands were quickly knotted in his hair. When Derek's tongue slid across her bottom lip, Meredith lips parted and their tongues tangled together. Derek kissed her hungrily, and she felt him swell in his pants. _No! This can't happen! Don't do this to yourself again, Meredith!_

His growing arousal triggered Meredith's panic again, and her eyes snapped open. She shoved against him, and her palm made contact with his cheek.

"Woah! What did I do?" Derek asked, eyes wide.

Meredith just shook her head, said, "Page me when you know when Katie's surgery will be," and quickly ran out of the on-call room, leaving Derek hot and confused.

* * *

 **Don't forget to review, follow/favorite, or message me if you'd like!**


	5. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! Here is the newest update of** _ **Rise Up**_ **. I don't have much to say before this chapter, so please enjoy, review, follow, or favorite!**

* * *

Meredith ran. She didn't stop running until she realized she had crossed the threshold of the hospital and she was standing on the lawn. The breath left her body as she thought over what had just happened. She couldn't believe what she just did, especially after everything that she had gone through recently.

Meredith knew she needed to talk to Abbey. She needed to know what to do, and Abbey always knew what to say to Meredith to make her understand. Meredith pulled out her phone and dialed. It rang four times before she realized that Abbey wasn't going to be able to pick up her phone.

" _Hey, it's Abbey! I'm unable to get to the phone right now, so if you leave me a message, I'll call you back as soon as I can_."

"Abbey, it's Meredith. I need your help…I've done something bad. I met this guy at a bar, really cute and confident and _obviously_ into me. I left the bar before anything happened between us, but I came to work today and he's an _attending_ , the _chief_ of his department, and my resident assigned me to work with him today. Well, he flirted with me a lot and he seemed to understand me and I don't know what happened, but I threw myself at him. I kissed him and when I pulled away, he kissed me and got aroused, and I panicked, so I smacked him and ran away. I know I'm rambling, but I'm terrified right now. I'm about to go inside and scrub in on a surgery with him, and I just need your help. I'll talk to you later…please." Meredith hung up the phone and focused her gaze on the sky, desperately begging for answers.

Meredith took a cleansing breath. _You can do this. Just hold your head up high and walk back in there like nothing happened._

* * *

"You owe me an explanation," Derek said when he stepped into the scrub room and saw Meredith washing for surgery. _Crap. He couldn't pretend like nothing happened right now? He's an attending; he should at least be professional enough to let it go until after their shifts are over._

"An explanation about what?" she asked simply. _Please take the bait. This discussion isn't a good one. You don't want to go there, Derek._

"You're kidding, right? You walk away from me last night and let me flirt with you all day. Then you engage me, and I'm _still_ the one who gets slapped."

Meredith shrugged as she prepared to walk into the OR.

"Stop playing games with my head, Meredith. When I say I'm interested in you, I'm not playing a game. So _what_ happened? What did I _do_?"

"Dr. Shepherd—"

"Cut the crap. You didn't make out with Dr. Shepherd in that on-call room."

" _Derek_. I can't talk about this right now."

"You owe me an explanation. Today. After I fix Katie, you're telling me what I did that merited all of this," Derek said as he finished washing and walked into the OR.

 _Crap._

* * *

After Meredith spoke to Katie's parents and let them know that her surgery had gone as planned, she made her way to recovery to check Katie's vitals.

"Grey." Meredith turned to see where the voice had come from and saw Dr. Bailey walking towards her.

"Dr. Bailey, what can I do for you?"

"Clearly, your day with Dr. Shepherd got better. He seemed very impressed with your knowledge and your aid in Katie Bryce's diagnosis. How was surgery?" Dr. Bailey asked.

"It was unbelievable. I still can't believe that I scrubbed in on my first day."

"Not many interns get that opportunity. I certainly didn't. Thanks for not killing anyone today. Oh, Dr. Shepherd is looking for you. He said he'd meet you outside of recovery."

 _Great._ "Thanks Dr. Bailey," Meredith said and she kept walking.

As she approached recovery, Meredith saw Derek exactly where he said he would be. He started moving towards her, and she felt her stomach drop. She swallowed hard and readied herself for what was to come. _This is it. You're going to have to tell him what happened and then explain why it was an issue when he demands to know. And once he knows, he's not going to want to be near you. No more neuro cases for you, Meredith. Your slutty tendencies have officially interfered with your work life_ , Meredith's inner demons snarled.

She jumped when her phone started vibrating in her pocket. She pulled it out and saw Abbey's name on the screen. Quickly, Meredith turned into an empty on-call room, locked the door, and answered.

"Abbey," Meredith breathed with relief. She heard someone, likely Derek, unsuccessfully turning the handle of the door.

"Relax, Meredith. You need to calm down. Everything's going to be fine," Abbey's calming voice sounded.

"…What? How can I calm down? Not only did I make out with my boss's boss, but I also slapped him for doing what I did! He probably thinks that I'm a sociopath now. I mean, who slaps a guy who returns a kiss? I'll tell you who—" Meredith rambled.

"Meredith! Breathe! You can't fault the guy for getting aroused while making out with you. You're a doctor; you know that he was physiologically bound to get aroused. He didn't choose to get hard in that moment. You can't assume that everyone is going to be like Brian. If you do, you'll never find anyone. As for him being an attending, don't be intimidated by his experience. What's the worst that happens? You give him a shot and things are a little awkward so you have to push aside your feelings in front of patients? Meredith, it sounds like he's really into you."

"He is."

"Humor me for a second. Tell me about him."

Meredith released her breath and conceded, "His name is Derek. He's a neurosurgeon. He has amazing hair, thick dark curls, and these piercing blue eyes that can just melt you. He's extremely smart and compassionate, and he's really patient. And…that kiss…it was incredible. It was just…so tender…and passionate…and…"

"Meredith, you like this guy."

"What?! No, I don't!"

"The way you just talked about him, I think _I_ may have a thing for him and I haven't even _met_ him. He sounds wonderful. Please think about giving the poor guy a chance. I have to go now. I'll talk to you soon, okay?" Abbey said.

"Okay…bye." Meredith hung up and unlocked the door. She expected Derek to be waiting outside for her, but when she opened the door, he was no where to be found. Since she was on his service and had no instruction other than to check on Katie post-op, Meredith decided to make sure Katie was doing alright since being closed.

When she pulled up Katie's file, it showed that she had been moved from recovery and she was back in her room. Meredith began her trek through the halls. She approached Katie's room and saw that Derek was inside conducting a neuro exam. Derek must have seen movement outside because his head turned and his eyes momentarily locked with Meredith's. A chill ran down Meredith spine when Derek jerked his head to the side, signaling her to enter the room.

"Thank you for joining us, Dr. Grey," he said as he finished examining her, "Okay, well everything looks good. You're going to have to take it easy for roughly the next two months, so no rehearsing for your pageants. During that time, you'll come in for follow-up appointments with me. Mr. and Mrs. Bryce, do you have any questions for me?"

Meredith lost focus when they started asking questions. She couldn't snap her gaze away from Derek, even just watching him speak. _Abbey's right; you like him. Maybe you could start something with him. He's really sweet and smart…but so was Brian. What are you saying? Derek is nothing like Brian! …But Brian was nothing like Brian when you met him._

Derek stood up and shook the Bryces' hands, signaling that it was time for them to leave. Meredith smiled amicably and walked out of the room.

"So are you going to tell me what happened in the on-call room?" Derek asked, walking down the hallway towards the elevators.

"Dr. Shepherd, this is not a professional conversation."

"There is nothing professional about what we did, so I don't see a problem with having the conversation."

"Dr. Shepherd, I am in no position to discuss personal matters at work."

" _Meredith_. You're screwing with my head. I've told you; I _like_ you. Every time I think you may like me, you slap me, whether figuratively or literally."

"It doesn't matter if I like you or not," Meredith said.

Ignoring that comment, Derek continued, "I need to know what I did so I don't do it next time."

"You think that there's going to be a next time?" Meredith muttered as they stopped at the elevators.

"Of course there's going to be a next time. You can't tell me that what I felt when we kissed was one-sided. _Talk_ to me," Derek pled, stepping into the elevator.

Meredith waited until the doors closed, "I'm not going out with you."

"Did I ask you to go out with me?" Derek asked, "Do you want to go out with me?"

"I'm not dating you. You're my boss."

"I'm your boss's boss."

"You're my teacher. And my teacher's teacher. And you're my teacher," Meredith said like it was obvious.

"I'm your sister, I'm your daughter," Derek mocked.

"You're sexually harassing me."

"I'm riding an elevator."

"Look, I'm drawing a line. The line is drawn. There's a big line."

Derek hesitated a second. "So this line. Is it imaginary, or do I need to get you a marker?"

Meredith paused, staring directly at Derek. His eyes seemed to see right through her. _This man is so damn infuriating! What do you see in him?_

 _Don't be intimidated by his experience_ , Meredith heard Abbey saying in her head. If Abbey were with her, Meredith knew that she would be getting pestered about holding herself back. _Stop keeping yourself from being happy! You deserve more than you allow yourself to have. Get out there and enjoy your life_ , Abbey had said once before.

 _Yeah, Abbey told you to get out there and look what happened. You took that walk with Brian, and now you're all screwed up. You're even more dark and twisty than when you started._

 _But look at him. He's delicious to look at and the way he already makes you feel…_

All reason left Meredith; she stepped forward and stunned Derek once again by planting her lips on his and wrapping her arms around his neck. He faltered for a second, but once he recovered, he wrapped both of his arm around Meredith's waist. Their mouths seemed to move as one just as they had the first time. Derek had his hands in Meredith's hair when the elevator arrived at their floor and the doors opened. Meredith quickly stepped away from him and out of the elevator as quickly as she could manage. Derek followed quickly behind her.

"I told you there would be a next time."

" _After_ work. Don't bring this up even a _second_ before I'm off the clock."

"Yes Dr. Grey," Derek winked at her.


	6. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! I'm so sorry that I'm a day late with this one. I've had a lot going on and no time to post until now. Hopefully this update will make it up to all of you. This is definitely my favorite chapter that I've written so far. I think you'll all really like it, too. Please follow, favorite, review, or message me. I'd love to know what you think! Enjoy!**

* * *

"How was surgery with McDreamy?" Cristina asked though she didn't sound interested. Their shift had just ended, and the interns were getting changed in the locker room.

"It was incredible. And _not_ because it was with Dr. Shepherd, but because on my first day, I got to scrub in on an advanced procedure. It validated my choice to become a doctor. It showed me exactly why I wanted to be a surgeon. Let me tell you, standing over that table is _such_ a high."

"Are you _sure_ it's not because you were standing so close to Shepherd?" Izzie asked, "If I were that close to him in such confined quarters, I'd swoon."

"He's not _that_ good-looking," Meredith muttered.

"Sounds like someone's in denial," Cristina scoffed. Meredith felt her cheeks heat slightly.

Izzie gasped, "You _like_ him!"

"What? No, I don't."

"Of course you do! Earlier you kept complaining about him, then you just clarified that it wasn't because of him that you enjoyed your surgery, even though we didn't insinuate that that was the reason before you said anything, _and_ you blushed when Cristina called you out! You're totally into him," Izzie commented.

"Say it a bit louder, I don't think they heard you in New York!" Meredith hissed.

"Well if you would be honest with us or _yourself_ , I wouldn't have to!"

"You really want honesty?" she challenged.

"I'm okay with hearing some juicy gossip," Cristina joined.

"It's not that juicy: I met Dr. Shepherd at a bar before either of us knew that we were going to be working together."

"Oh my gosh, you slept with him, didn't you?"

"No! No, I didn't. I'm too messed up for that."

"For one night stands? Most people are, but we still do it," Izzie said.

"No, for sleeping with anyone right now. I don't have time for it, nor do I have the emotional stamina for the consequences. And besides, he already thinks that I'm leading him on, so I have to deal with that."

 _Of course he thinks you're just leading him on! You kissed him…TWICE! And you kissed him back when he kissed you. You can't expect him not to chase after you if you keep treating the situation like he has a chance. Make a decision: let him in or let him go!_

"Hm. You didn't sleep with him, and he's still interested? I hate to tell you this, Meredith, but he's actually into you. He's not just looking for a lay," Alex suddenly said.

Meredith pushed him against the locker and held him there. "You have got to be kidding me. I have more important things to deal with than you and your eavesdropping. I have friends, and boy problems, and family problems. You want to be my friend? That's fine. You want to make crude comments and eavesdrop on people? That's fine, too. You can't do both with me. And if you're choosing crude comments and eavesdropping, then just stay out of my face."

She knew the door had opened, but she figured it was only the people around her leaving…which it had been. Apparently, though, it was also someone entering, and other than her mother, it was the last person she would have wanted to see: Derek. _You know that's not true. You know that you'd rather see only Derek for the rest of your life if it guaranteed that you'd never see Brian again._ Derek didn't say anything. He just stared at the unfolding situation and waited for an explanation.

"She attacked me," Alex said.

 _He just doesn't know when to stop!_ Meredith reacted by actually trying to harm him.

"Meredith, Meredith, Meredith!" Derek realized it was time to intervene and grabbed her arm, pulling her away from him, "You know, you might want to leave. _Before_ I change my mind and let her beat you to a pulp with her tiny ineffectual fists."

Derek pushed Alex out of the locker room and closed the door, but only after Alex made a face at Meredith. Derek sighed at her. Meredith just looked at him. She realized everyone else had left quickly when her confrontation with Alex began.

 _Easier to run off than to have to be around to help someone in need._ At least, that's what had been done for Meredith. She knew people had been downstairs, but no one ever came to her rescue.

"What?" Derek asked.

"Nothing," Meredith retrieved her jacket from her locker, "It's just…" She realized that he was dressed casually in a red knit sweater and a pair of jeans. His hair was just as flawless as it was during every moment that she'd known him. _What reason do you have to not go out with him?_

"Nothing," she finished her sentence, both to give her an out of the impending conversation and also to answer her internal question. Meredith quickly moved to the door, ready to walk out. _What are you doing?! Why are you walking away from him?_ She turned around, only inches away from him. Meredith looked up into the deep pools of blue he had for eyes to find him watching her the same way. _Don't do it, Meredith! This situation is already messier than it should have ever been. It's too complicated. It's going to destroy you just like Brian did and then you'll have to drop out of this intern program, too. Then what are you going to do? You'll have to postpone your residency and move to another hospital again!_ Meredith took a deep breath, turned, and marched out of the locker room, leaving Derek watching pensively. He stood still for a moment, then took steps after her, not accepting his dismissal. He ran after her and caught up to her at the entrance to the stairwell.

"Meredith, stop! Your shift is over. You owe me an explanation now," Derek started.

"Dr. Shepherd—" she tried.

" _Derek_. My name is Derek."

"Derek, there's really no explanation. We kissed in an on-call room _once_. I let my hormones get the best of me. It won't happen again."

"I could believe that, but then we kissed in the elevator. Seriously, go out with me."

"No," Meredith repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"Come on."

"It's the chase, isn't it?"

"What?" Derek was surprised by her question.

"The thrill of the chase. I've been wondering to myself, why are you so hell bent on getting me to go out with you? You know you're my boss, you know it's against the rules, you know I keep saying no. It's the chase."

"Well…it's fun, isn't it?"

"You see? This is a game to you. But not to me. Because unlike you, I still have something to prove." _To the hospital and to yourself. That you are a great doctor and that you can get by alone. And if all else fails, that at least you can dig yourself out of this hole you've been forced to inhabit._

"No, Meredith. You've got that all wrong. This isn't a game to _me_. You treat it likes it's a game that you can keep playing without consequence. I've been used before. I'm not going to be strung along by you. You can't keep shoving me away and then jumping me in on-call rooms and elevators and _not_ expect me to keep asking. I like you, a lot, but you're making it impossible for me to maintain hope that I have a chance with you."

Meredith could feel tears threatening to fall from her eyes. She knew exactly what it felt like to be pushed away, and she hated the idea that she was pushing someone away who actually wanted to be with her. _You know it's not him; it's you_ , Meredith thought to herself.

"You don't want to be with me. I'm a mess. I'd make your life complicated, even more than it may be now. I'm really not worth the struggle."

"You don't see yourself clearly. You _are_ worth it, Meredith. You just need to _let_ yourself be worth it. You push people away—"

" _Don't_ pretend like you know me! You don't. I don't _want_ to be alone, but it's better this way."  
"If you don't want to be alone, then let someone in. Kissing them and running away is not the way to do that."

Meredith knew that she would regret what she was about to do, but she couldn't stop herself, "Walk with me." Derek followed Meredith as she took the stairs down and walked out of the hospital. He watched her when she stopped and thought about where she would go next after the exited the hospital. She turned to the right and walked down the perimeter of the hospital to collapse under a tree. Derek, unsure of what to do, stood quietly for a moment.

"Uh, Meredith?"

"Shut up. Sit down, and let me think," Meredith ordered. Derek was taken aback by her audacity in ordering her boss around, but he followed her direction and sat down silently next to her.

Meredith put her head in her hands, trying to digest everything that Derek had said. _He makes a fair point. If you were on the receiving end of this, you'd be confused, too. How did you end up here? You have an extremely attractive and accomplished surgeon interested in you and you're playing games with him. He likes you, he said it himself. What is holding you back at this point? Abbey would be so disappointed in you. He could make you happy…or he could rip your heart out and you could lose whatever strings of your life that you're desperately trying to weave back together._

"Why have you maintained hope? I keep leading you on and pushing you away. I just can't understand why you're still chasing me," Meredith almost whispered.

"It's not the chase."

"What?"

Derek took a deep breath and said, "You and me. It is not the thrill of the chase. It's not a game. It's…it's your tiny ineffectual fists. And your hair…"

"My hair?" Meredith prompted, surprised.

"Smells good. And you're very, very bossy. It keeps me in line."

 _He likes your hair…so did Brian. Don't do this! You're going to wind up in the same situation._

 _Except Derek's different…you already know that._

 _You're already falling! You're going to fall hard and when it crumbles, so will your world. Give up on trying to convince yourself. He's going to be the reason why you're institutionalized!_

Meredith risked a glance at Derek, who was watching her intently. She looked at all of him: his perfect hair, his deep blue eyes, his caring heart, his brilliance…his raw masculinity. Her eyes locked with his, and she couldn't dare break the eye contact. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes as his hand came to her face, stroking her cheek. She relaxed into his touch, a chill running down her spine. She was minimally surprised when she felt his lips gently caress hers. This wasn't the same hungry, carnal kiss as they had shared before; this kiss was a slow, desperate plea. _Screw your impending hospitalization from when this man drives you to insanity. If he's involved, it'll be worth it._

Derek slowly broke away from the kiss and pressed his forehead against Meredith's, his hand now lightly holding her hair. Meredith had both of her hands clutching Derek's hair, stilling him where he was.

"Go out with me," Derek murmured.

"You don't know what baggage I have," Meredith whispered.

"It doesn't matter. I'll carry it either way."

"It's not that easy…you'll suffer."

"I'm either going to suffer with you or suffer because I can't have you. Let it be with you."

"You can't make that choice without knowing…" Meredith sobbed.

"I can make whatever choice I want. I don't need to know. All I know is that I want to be with you," Derek pled. _Oh, quit making the poor guy beg. Give in…let yourself be happy._

Meredith pulled Derek's lips to hers and kissed him gently, tugging gently at his dark curls. She resisted the urge to deepen their light kiss into something more heated and lascivious and instead pulled back a half inch.

"The things you don't know…if I say yes, it has to be on my terms," Meredith finally admitted.

"Anything."

"This needs to be slow…really slow. The last person I had a thing with left me ripped open, and I'm still not together."

"Let me be the one who pieces you back together."

Meredith nodded lightly as several tears fell down her face. Derek put his hands on her cheeks and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. She realized that there were still details that they had to discuss; they couldn't advertise their relationship. _Yeah because all people will think when they find out that you're dating an attending is that you're an easy lay who slept her way into the program and now is sleeping her way into surgeries._

"Derek, we have to talk about—"

"Not now. We don't have to talk about everything right now. Just live in the moment."

* * *

 **So…Meredith has agreed to go out with Derek, but we're still in for an interesting ride. This story isn't just rewriting Meredith and Derek's relationship, so you can be sure that the conflict hasn't been solved. In fact, the conflict hasn't even been revealed yet! I hope everyone enjoyed. As always, don't forget to leave your feedback!**


	7. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! Happy Monday! This chapter has some of the scenes from the show again that I know you'll all recognize. Enjoy!**

* * *

Meredith could not, for the life of her, explain why she had allowed Izzie and George to move into her house. If she weren't constantly exhausted from work, she may have been able to think logically, or _at all_ , and realize that it would be a bad idea to live with her coworkers. And now, because of her poor life choices, Meredith was stuck cohosting a party with that night.

She stood at the counter outside of her patient's room, reading over the file yet again. She stiffened a bit when she heard the now familiar timbre of Derek's voice beside her.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked.

She hesitated to answer. Meredith had been avoiding Derek since that one night outside the hospital a week and a half before. He had tried to make plans to take her out on a date, but she always made excuses as to why she couldn't go out. It wasn't that she lost interest in him or that _actually_ couldn't go out, but her not-so-stellar past romantic interactions with men.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good," she responded.

"Are you sure? You don't seem okay."

"I'm fine. My surgery from this morning was long."

"Well, let me take you out to dinner tonight. You can tell me all about it. Real food, waiters, big chunks of carbs in a basket," Derek offered.

"I can't," Meredith said, and this time, she wasn't lying. The party was going to be at her house, so it wouldn't look good if she didn't show up. She thought about elaborating, telling Derek about her plans for the night so he didn't think she was just going to keep blowing him off, but then she thought better of it; this was a party for interns and residents. Derek was an attending, so no one would have invited him since it would make the environment more uncomfortable than it already was going to be.

"Forget about the party." That got her attention. She immediately turned to look at him, stunned.

"You know about the party?"

"Your friends will be at the party. You and I can be alone somewhere else."

"How do you know about the party?" Meredith asked, still caught up in the fact that they were now discussing something she was trying to escape talking about.

"Thanks for not inviting me, by the way. That felt good," Derek said with an almost playfully sarcastic tone.

"Derek—" Meredith tried.

Dinner. Think about dinner, perfect opportunity. We can talk about what happened in the time since you agreed to go out with me."

Derek walked away as Meredith's pager beeped. She wanted to follow after him, but she knew her ass would be on the line if she ignored a 911 page.

* * *

The rest of Meredith's day went by as smoothly as she could expect…except when she arrived home that night and found a party raging in her mother's house.

"Izzie, I'm going to kill you," Meredith muttered as her phone buzzed in her bag. She dug around for it and found it quickly enough to see it was Abbey and get the phone to her ear before it went to voicemail.

"Abbey, you have no idea how great it is that you called right now because you can talk me out of killing one of my roommates now."

"That's not why I called, but we'll get to that in a second. First, don't kill your roommate, Mer. There is nothing she could have done that is so bad it merits death," Abbey said.

"She has a huge house party going on in _my_ house when I was told it was going to be a small gathering."

"Meredith, you have bigger problems then an unwanted house party. Brian _knows_. He knows about the police report." Meredith felt her blood freeze. All the breath left her body and she felt her heart pounding in her ears.

"How? How could he know about it unless—"

"No. Not that. He has a friend at the police station who tipped him off to the fact that they were getting a warrant. Brian was talking to James, and I overheard."

"What does that mean?" Meredith practically whispered.

"He's left Boston, Mer. He's coming to Seattle to find you."

"When? How soon do I have to leave Seattle?" Her stomach flipped as she thought about it.

"You are not leaving Seattle, Meredith. Do _not_ let him run you out of two cities in two different states. You have a new life out there now. You have _Derek_. You told me how much Derek likes you. If he really likes you like you say he does, which I'm _sure_ he does, he'll protect you from all of this. I mean, he's still into you after everything you've told him, so of course he'll be there for you."

Meredith was silent. She didn't want to tell Abbey that she was wrong, but she also didn't want to lie. After a moment of dead air between them, Abbey spoke up.

"Derek doesn't know yet…does he?"

"No. How could I tell him? I haven't even known him two weeks yet!"

"He needs to know, especially with Brian coming your way. He was talking about taking a friend's car and driving across the country so it would be more difficult to find him quickly, so you only have a couple days to tell Derek."

"Abbey, I'm not ready for any of this. I need your help," Meredith begged.

"There's nothing more I can do. I can't take off from Mass Gen to come to Seattle and get your head screwed on straight. You can handle this. Don't let all of this fear stop you!"

Meredith finished her call with Abbey, put her phone away, and looked at the party scene in front of her. She knew she was going to regret going inside in this state of mind, but…

"Screw it," Meredith said, marching into her house and going straight for the tequila and drinking it straight from the bottle.

* * *

Meredith found herself drunk and giddy, playing cards with Cristina and Geroge some amount of time later. She didn't bother looking at the clock because it really didn't matter to her; it was her house and she could party as long as she wanted.

"Why did we want to be surgeons anyway?" Meredith drunkenly asked.

"Surgery is very serious business," George answered, then exclaimed, "Full house!"

Cristina chortled and yelled, "Royal flush. Get naked, baby boy!" He started taking his shirt off as she threw down her cards.

"Surgery is stupid. It's stupid. It's really stupid. Like, if I didn't want to be a surgeon, my life would be so much better right now. I wouldn't be dodging the hot guy that I like if I wouldn't have wanted to be a surgeon because I wouldn't be so messed up. Derek isn't Brian! I know that and I still won't let myself be happy!" Meredith rambled.

"Who is Brian?" George asked.

"This scumbag who I used to go to school with and get this: he's coming to Seattle to find me now! He's not going to work and instead driving all the way across the country to find _me_."

"Give me that. You're drunk," Cristina reached for Meredith's bottle.

"I'm not driving. I'm not on call. I'm in my own house. My life is crap. Like it's _really_ crap. And it's my party and I'll get drunk if I want to," she announced, grabbed her bottle of tequila and marching away. Lost somewhere in her own head, Meredith found herself swaying drunkenly to her own rhythm on the porch of her home. She put the bottle of tequila to her lips and chugged some back, savoring the burn of alcohol going down. The alcohol certainly wasn't making her feel too much better about her current life situation, but she was certainly too cloudy to focus on it.

"You know, in some states, you could get arrested for that," Meredith heard a man say from the end of her walkway. She looked up and saw Derek smiling adoringly at her. In her state of inebriation, she couldn't argue going to him. Meredith smiled at him and walked to him without grace.

"So you blew me off for a bottle of tequila," Derek chuckled.

"I never said yes," Meredith slurred.

"You should have," Derek smiled, "Tequila's no good for you. It doesn't call. It doesn't write. It isn't nearly as much fun to wake up to."

"Men aren't that fun to wake up to either," Meredith argued.

"Maybe men aren't, but _I_ am."

Meredith smiled at his confidence and grabbed the lapels of his jacket and lightly tugged him towards her. She stood taller to reach his mouth and pressed her lips to his, kissing him lightly. When they broke apart, Derek looked longingly at her.

"Meredith…what happened?"

"What do you mean? I kissed you," she said like it was obvious.

"Not just now. You agreed to go out with me, and now every time I ask you out, you find a way to deny me. Why?"

"Boys are difficult," Meredith practically whined.

"Boys are _simple_ , Meredith. I'm asking for exactly what I want."

"But you aren't really. You want more than just a date. I'll say yes to the date, we'll go out, and then at the end, you'll want more."

"Of course, I'll want more. I'll ask to have more dates with you, but that's all I'm going to ask for."

"That's what boys say! They say that they won't ask for more than that, and then you'll ask to sleep with me. I know how this works," Meredith explained.

"Meredith, please listen to me. _Yes_ , I'll want to sleep with you at some point, but not right now. We agreed to take this slowly. I'm looking to spend time with you _clothed_ ," Derek said.

"I've been used before, Derek."

"So have I. It's the worst feeling in the world. Please don't make me feel like you're using me to feel wanted." Meredith looked up at him through her lashes and saw sincerity in his eyes.

"I'm not trying to use you. I just don't want to be hurt again," she whispered, or her version of a whisper in her inebriated state.

"The only one who can get hurt in this is me," Derek stated solemnly.

Meredith hesitated a second before kissing him softly again. She pulled away and whispered, "Ask me."

Derek studied her for a moment, "Will you come to dinner with me Sunday night?"

She nodded slowly.

"Thank you. It's late, so I'm going to head home to get some rest. I have an early surgery tomorrow. You would be smart to get some sleep, too, since you have a long shift ahead of you," Derek advised.

"How do you know what kind of shift I have?"

"You're an intern. I was an intern once so I know that you don't get short shifts. That and I snuck a peak at the intern schedule to see when I could expect to see you. This 30 hour shift you have tomorrow is not something to laugh at, especially with the possibility of a hangover. Please get some rest," Derek said, kissed her forehead, and walked back to his car. He waved goodbye as he drove off, leaving Meredith alone with her tequila again.

* * *

Derek found Dr. Bailey soon after he'd scrubbed out of his morning's procedure. He smiled brightly at her.

"Good morning, Dr. Bailey."

"Dr. Shepherd," she nodded uninterestedly.

"Dr. Bailey, could you please assign Dr. Grey to my service today?" he asked.

"Sorry, Dr. Shepherd, but Dr. Grey called out sick this morning. She may be back tomorrow morning for the last few hours of her shift if you'd like to work with her then," Dr. Bailey offered. She didn't wait for a response before walking away.

Derek pulled out his phone and sent 'Feel better, Mer. I'll see you tomorrow.'

* * *

 **I started classes today, so if I'm late on updates in the future, I hope you'll forgive me! Please follow/favorite/review/message me! Have a great week!**


	8. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone! I'm so sorry for it being so long since I've updated. I have a tough course load this semester, so I'm trying to balance there and not fall behind in my classes. Chances are, I will not be able to update every week right now, but I will not be forgetting about the story. This chapter was one of the more difficult ones for me to write because I consider it almost a filler in order to keep the story moving to where I want. The good news about that is this: based on the way I have the story planned out, next chapter will be a big one. But enough about the next chapter since you haven't even read this one! I hope everyone enjoys!**

* * *

Meredith woke up that morning with a headache, a reminder of the tequila she had the night before. The headache was minor, though, so she could have gone to work. She stared up at the ceiling of her bedroom and took a deep breath. _Brian._ She picked up the phone and called out of work, knowing that her emotional state was not one that would mix well with the possible surgeries she would be in for.

 _You're running again, Meredith. You're letting him make the decisions for you. You aren't cut out for this life; you can't even go to work because of your personal crap_ , Meredith's demons snarled at her.

 _Screw them. Screw them all. You're allowed to be scared. You're allowed to hole up in your room…keep yourself safe_.

* * *

Derek looked at the intern schedule again. He had come in to work four hours early to see if Meredith had made it in for the back end of her shift. He was disappointed to see that she hadn't come in, but he wasn't able to think about it for long as an emergency craniotomy came through the pit, and, being the head of the department, Derek was immediately roped into performing the surgery.

The schedule said that Meredith was set to come in at five o'clock the next morning. He exhaled as he stretched out on one of the beds in an on-call room and prayed that he'd get at least six hours of sleep. He tried to think positively even with the unlikelihood since he was the attending on-call that night.

* * *

Meredith rolled over to her alarm at four o'clock in the morning. She had skipped her entire 30 hour shift over the weekend. She knew she shouldn't call out of work again, especially since she still had to prove herself as a surgeon, but she couldn't find it in herself to get up.

Her stomach roiled as she grabbed the phone and called the hospital to let them know she wasn't going to be in that day.

* * *

Derek woke up at seven o'clock the next morning, stiff and in desperate need of a hot shower. He stood up and walked into the adjoining bathroom to turn on the water. As he began pulling his scrub top over his head, his pager went off, signaling that he was needed for a consult in the pit. He sighed, pulling his shirt back down and leaving the on-call room.

On his way to the pit, he found Dr. Bailey charting outside of a patient's room. He walked towards her and smiled when she looked up.

"Good morning, Dr. Bailey. How are you this morning?" Derek asked, using all the charm he could manage at such an early hour.

"Dr. Shepherd," she nodded curtly, "The answer is no."

"Excuse me?"

"She's out again."

Derek was shocked but covered himself in front of Meredith's boss, saying, "That's actually not why I came over to talk to you. I'm on my way into the pit for a consult. If it turns out to be surgical, I was wondering if you'd like to scrub in with me."

She glanced up from her chart with a disbelieving smile, "I'd love to, Dr. Shepherd. Thank you for the opportunity."

"If it's surgical, I'll page you the details. Thank you, Dr. Bailey," Derek said as he walked away and towards the pit.

* * *

The rest of Derek's day passed in a blur. On any normal day, he would've been angry that no surgical cases came through the hospital for him, but today he was relieved. He wasn't able to focus all day on anything but Meredith. That's how he found himself at her front door twenty minutes after his shift ended.

He knocked on her door and was surprised when Izzie opened the door.

"Dr. Shepherd…what are you doing here?" she asked, clearly as shocked to see him as he was her.

"As I am here for personal reasons, call me Derek. I'm here to see Meredith."

"She hasn't been feeling well," she said simply.

"I know, but she also hasn't responded to me at all. I'm worried about her. Am I able to see her?"

Izzie hesitated, but opened the door wider and stepped out of the way, "Go up the stairs and to the end of the hallway. It's the door on your left."

Derek made his way up the stairs at quickly as he could without looking desperate. He knocked on the door at the end of the hallway. He heard a light groan from the other side of the door.

"Izzie, go away. I'll be fine," Derek heard as he opened the door.

* * *

Meredith heard her door creak open. She rolled over in the tangle of her blanket to glare at the door, but she stopped when she saw Derek in the threshold. She shifted uncomfortably under his gaze.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered, sitting up.

"You missed your last two shifts. I was worried about you, so…" Derek drifted off. _He was worried about you. He wanted to see you!_

"What's wrong?" he asked.

 _What's not wrong? I moved my entire life across the country to save myself, leaving everything and everyone I loved behind, and started completely from scratch. Now I find out that the reason I left is on his way to Seattle to find me and unless I get up and move again, I'm screwed._

Rather than going into the whole thing with him, she settled on, "I'm just not feeling well."

She realized she should have thought more carefully about what she was going to say when Derek responded, "Well, lucky for you, I'm a doctor and a very good one at that."

"It's nothing like that. There's just a lot going on in my head," she muttered.

"I _am_ a neurosurgeon. Heads are my specialty. Talk to me."

 _What can you say to him that will help you? You don't need this kind of head doctor. Derek can help you in a few days when they find an aneurysm from all of this stress. Right now, all you need is a psychiatrist._

"A friend of mine from Dartmouth called me and told me that someone I went to school with is coming out to Seattle to see me. I'm just anxious about it, that's all."

"You skipped two shifts at the hospital because you're anxious about seeing a former classmate?"  
"When you put it like that it sounds really lame," Meredith trailed off.

"There's more, isn't there?" Meredith bit her lip in response. She couldn't even think about talking about it yet. Her stomach roiled at the thought of ever talking about it.

"I'm not ready to say anything more than yes."

"You know that you can trust me, right Meredith?" Derek asked lightly.

"I've only known you for two weeks."

"Then take my word for it: you can trust me." Meredith pinched her eyes shut, remembering the last time she heard that being said.

* * *

 _One month before…_

 _Meredith looked at her surroundings: she recognized where she was from the several times she been here for the study group she was in. She was standing in the living room of Brian's apartment, being watched carefully by Brian's roommates. She felt Brian's hand lightly on her shoulder._

 _"Can I get you something to drink?" he asked._

 _"Yes, thank you." Meredith smiled and watched him head into the kitchen._

 _"What brings you over tonight?" Brian's roommate, Jack, asked._

 _"I'm here to hang out. The party wasn't that great so obviously we left," Meredith explained._

 _"It's nice to see you here without your books."_

 _Meredith smiled, seeing Brian return with two glasses in hand. He smirked at Jack._

 _"I hate to tear_ _ **my**_ _guest away from you, but…you want to go upstairs, away from these animals?" Brian asked._

 _Meredith laughed, "They're really not that bad."_

 _"Eh, they're okay," Brian smiled, "So…?"_

 _"It was nice seeing you guys again," Meredith smiled and followed Brian upstairs. When they got upstairs, Brian passed Meredith one of the glasses and opened the door all the way._

 _"Don't worry; you can trust me," Brian said. Meredith, appreciating his sensitivity, smiled and took a sip of her drink._

* * *

Meredith hesitated before saying, "The last time I heard that, I believed it. It was the biggest mistake of my life."

Derek took a breath, afraid that he may regret what he was about to say but said it anyways, "Are you ever going to tell me what this is all about?" Meredith froze, not knowing exactly how to respond.

As she opened her mouth to speak, Derek jumped in, "I don't mean to push you, but you haven't shown up to work because of whatever this is really about. I know you haven't known me for that long, but you know that I'm interested and you've agreed to go out with me, yet we still haven't gone out and you keep closing me out."

"Derek, I don't want to push you away. But you have to understand…I'm the way I am because the last person I was with was someone I knew for a long time and trusted, and he quickly broke it. I don't want that to happen with you, so please accept my hesitation as nothing against you."

"Meredith…can you promise me something?" Derek asked quietly.

"What?" Meredith breathed.

"Whenever there's something wrong and you want to withdraw, can you please warn me?"

Meredith glanced downwards and nodded lightly. She felt her bed dip and the backs of fingers brush down the side of her face. She lifted her chin and was met by clear blue eyes. She leaned forward and pressed her lips lightly to his.

"I'm sorry that I worried you," she apologized quietly. Derek shook his head, gazing adoringly at her.

"So you're coming back to work tomorrow, right?"

Meredith bit her lip, "I don't know. I don't think that I'll be able to focus enough to be a doctor. Better safe than sorry right?"

"You're an intern. As long as you're on someone's service, you'll be supervised. And I know one attending who will be looking for an intern tomorrow, so you're set."

"I can't be known as the doctor who needs to be constantly watched in order to _not_ kill patients."

"Come on. You can't leave me without my favorite intern for three shifts in a row. That would just be cruel. And besides, I have back-to-back surgeries tomorrow so it would be a great day for you," Derek offered.

Meredith took a deep breath and sighed. "Okay."

Derek smiled and kissed her. When he pulled away he left his hand on her shoulder.

"I'm going to head out then so I can get some rest. Last thing I need is to be responsible for a death because I was tired. I'll see you bright and early tomorrow," Derek announced, standing and walking out.

Meredith fell back into her pillows and stared at her ceiling fan. She watched it spin around just like her life was.

 _It's like a merry-go-round. So is your life. It will just keep spinning and you'll find yourself back in this position. Meredith, you're tired of living life like this! Realize it! Stop pitying yourself and get off. Don't let everyone else control your life. Get off the carousel and live for yourself_.

Meredith rolled over and put her feet on the floor. She pushed to her feet and readied herself to take back her life.

* * *

 **So next chapter…if nothing changes in what I'm planning, Meredith's past will be revealed! I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter. Remember to follow/favorite and review! Reviews give me the inspiration to keep writing so the more reviews I get, the quicker I'll have a chapter cranked out for everyone!**


	9. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long! Classes are kicking me where it hurts and I've also been sick so I haven't been fully here. I worked really hard on this chapter for all of you; it's longer than normal, too. But…unlike my prediction in the previous chapter, things changed and you don't learn about Meredith's past in this chapter. I looked back at my outline and there was something that I forgot I had planned that hadn't made it into a chapter. And I** _ **really**_ **wanted to include the scene, but it made more sense to have it occur before the big reveal, like I had originally planned. So without further ado, enjoy Chapter 8 of** _ **Rise Up**_ **!**

* * *

Meredith walked out of the locker room and towards where she knew to meet Dr. Bailey. While walking, she felt her phone vibrate, signaling a new text message. She glanced down and saw it was from Derek.

 _Mer, I'm sorry for changing the plan for the day, however my surgeries for the day have been pushed. An emergency surgical case came through as I arrived today, so I'm about to head into the OR and will be there practically all day. I'm sorry, I'll see you later._

Meredith swallowed and groaned internally. She came back to work on the premise that she would be in the OR with Derek all day, and now she would be stuck outside of surgery, likely on charting or scut. She approached Dr. Bailey and tried to pretend that there was nothing on her mind.

"Dr. Grey, so nice of you to come to work today."

"I'm sorry, Dr. Bailey. I wasn't feeling well these last few days. Where would you like me today?"

"Actually, the Chief asked to see you."

Meredith froze, "Now?"

"I would say so," Dr. Bailey said and walked into a patient's room.

Meredith turned and made her way towards Chief Webber's office. A chill ran down her spine at her impending lecture, knowing that she wasn't going to want to work after it. She knocked lightly on the door before opening the door.

"Dr. Bailey said you wanted to see me?" Meredith said quietly.

Dr. Webber looked up from the work on his desk and saw Meredith. He turned back to his work as he said, "That's correct, Dr. Grey. Come take a seat." Meredith crossed the room and took a seat as he closed the file and looked up.

"How are you doing, Dr. Grey?" he asked.

"Look Dr. Webber, if this is about the days that I missed—"

"Meredith, you're not in trouble. I know that you didn't call out for nothing."

Surprised, Meredith hesitantly asked, "How?"

Her pulse began to race and she felt herself starting to hyperventilate; she hadn't said anything to Dr. Webber upon suddenly accepting his offer into the program about what had happened. She knew he would have been shocked to hear she would be attending the residency program at Seattle Grace considering he knew she had been accepted into and planning to join the program at Massachusetts General, but she didn't give a reason to him beyond the general "my plans changed" line.

She knew there were only a few ways that Dr. Webber could have known that she didn't just call out for being sick. Meredith considered the idea that Dr. Webber had looked more thoroughly into her background than she had hoped when she had switched programs, but thought that it was unlikely; if he had found out about her past, she was sure he would have tried to have a conversation with her earlier or that the police department in Seattle would have come to her looking for answers. Or maybe they _were_ coming for answers and he was about to warn her. Could it be possible that the Seattle police department had found out and notified her employer that they would be dropping in to question her?

"Meredith, I know your family. The daughter of Ellis Grey wouldn't call out because she was sick. She also wouldn't call out to play hooky" Chief Webber said.

Meredith bit her bottom lip as she thought about what she could possibly say to respond to him. He was certainly trying to subtly coax the information out of her by making it her idea to tell him, but she knew better than to believe that.

"Did someone talk to you about me?" she asked carefully.

"When you didn't show up to work at all during the past three days, you didn't really give me a choice but to search for any information regarding your status."

She squeezed her eyes shut, whispering, "Who told you why I wasn't in work?"

Richard cleared his throat. "I have my sources."

That meant it was someone that either he had a good relationship with or with whom _she_ had a good relationship. And then it hit her: _Derek_.

Derek had a good relationship with _both_ of them; it meant that he had information about Meredith that the Chief would be looking to know. She wasn't sure what Derek could have told the Chief that would have prompted him to call her to his office, but regardless of what it was, she was here now. Her heart ached briefly; she was used to the feeling of being stabbed in the back, but for some reason, this feeling was so much worse. She had only known Derek for a few weeks, but it killed her to think about him deceiving her.

"It was Dr. Shepherd, wasn't it?"

"Dr. Grey, you know that professionally, I cannot reveal to you who I have spoken to. However, no it was not Dr. Shepherd who spoke to me." Meredith exhaled roughly.

"He didn't?" Meredith felt her heart flutter.

"Meredith, I don't know what happened, but I know that it wasn't the potential hangover I heard about. Do you have anything you want to talk about?"

She paused for a moment, "No. I'm sorry about missing two shifts. I promise that I won't be calling out again for a long time regardless of circumstance."

"Meredith, I don't want you to worry about it. Now, I know that your shift was lengthened when you were scheduled to scrub in with Dr. Shepherd on his surgeries today, but since those were pushed, I'd like for you to leave at six like you were originally scheduled," Dr. Webber announced.

"Chief, if this is making sure that I'm alright to work long hours after not being in—"

"No, Dr. Grey. I'm not punishing you. I've only said that you'll be leaving early because I'm sure Dr. Shepherd will still want you to scrub in on those surgeries when they are rescheduled. As long as he doesn't have anything already scheduled for tomorrow, which I don't believe he does, Dr. Shepherd should be performing today's surgeries tomorrow."

Meredith breathed her relief, said her goodbyes, and quickly made her way back to Dr. Bailey for her day's assignment.

* * *

Derek had stumbled out of the OR, exhausted from his extended surgery and in desperate need of some scotch. He made his way across the street into the Emerald City Bar, pulling out his wallet to pay for the one drink he'd be ordering. Joe made eye contact with him as he walked towards an open barstool, nodding that he would start pouring his drink.

"Thanks Joe," Derek said when he reached the bar and took a swig of his drink.

"Anytime. Can you help me out here?" Joe asked.

"Let's see if I can."

Joe pointed down to the other side of the bar, saying, "She's been here for almost two hours. She's completely gone. Mind stepping in?"

Derek shifted to see who he was referring to and exhaled harshly. _Meredith_. Her skin was flush with inebriation, her blonde hair fanned out around her shoulders. She was giggling mindlessly at the lines being fed to her by the guy sitting to her left. Derek felt jealousy creep up the back of his neck, but quickly stowed it, reasoning that it was the alcohol making her extra friendly when it came to strangers.

He moved before he thought about what he was doing and walked over to Meredith, hearing her enchanting laugh grow louder as he neared. When he reached her, he spun her stool around and planted his lips against her as she gasped. His lips worked against hers and her hands tangled in his hair. Derek felt Meredith's chest heaving breathlessly against his lips as she mumbled his name into his mouth.

The guy who had been flirting with Meredith groaned his frustration, grumbling about how he'd been there with her first. Derek pulled his lips away from Meredith's and focused briefly on the the man to her left. Meredith took the opportunity to move to his neck and kiss him, which drove him crazy, but he fought the pleasure for just enough time to say a few words to the guy.

"Sorry, she's mine," Derek announced, pulling Meredith's face from his neck and back to his lips.

"Why don't you let her make that decision?" he challenged. With that, Derek pulled back from Meredith, slung his arm around her waist, and smiled.

"She already did; that's why I have the pleasure of calling her my girlfriend." He turned away from the man and focused on Meredith. She was clinging to Derek's sweater without remorse, looking more like a young child than a talented surgical intern.

"Hi Meredith."

"Hi Mr. Shepherd," she slurred at him, grinning goofily.

"Mr. Shepherd, huh?" Derek chuckled, "What happened to _Dr._ Shepherd?"

"We're in a bar! We aren't doctors here! We're just people drinking lots of tequila and getting drunk," Meredith laughed.

"I'm _always_ a doctor no matter where I am. And because of that, I've decided to cut you off for the night. We have to get you home and sober anyways; we have a long day tomorrow." Derek took Meredith's hand and helped her up, directing her towards the door.

"What are you talking about, Doctor?" she asked, enunciating every letter of the last word. When they got to his car, he helped her into the passenger seat and then climbed into his own seat, starting the engine.

"The surgeries you were supposed to scrub in on were rescheduled for tomorrow, all day. You're going to need your stamina to get though them. Drunk and sleep-deprived surely won't help you with that. And as a responsible surgeon, I will have to kick you out of my OR if you are either of those things."

She pouted as Derek pulled out of his spot.

* * *

It took Derek a while to coax directions to Meredith's house out of her in her inebriated state. What should have been a fifteen-minute drive to her home took nearly three times that since she wouldn't give him straight directions. At one point, she had directed him to her favorite ice cream shop because she wanted strawberry ice cream. He made a mental note to keep this place in mind for his first official date with Meredith. Even though it was an out-of-the-way stop that didn't help his cause of getting her home and prepared to operate with him, he indulged her, buying her what she wanted and even cheating with a cone of coffee ice cream.

When Meredith saw that they were in front of her house, she squealed and ran inside. Derek hurried after her as quickly as he could manage to ensure that she didn't hurt herself. He knew Izzie and George were still working shifts at the hospital and wouldn't be home to help her. He opened the door to her home and took a brief glance around the area in front of him, before realizing that Meredith was pulling her shirt over her head. When Meredith glanced at him over her left shoulder with a smoldering, flirtatious look and beckoned him towards her with her fingers, Derek's pants tightened. Before he could react, she giggled innocently and ran up the stairs, leaving her shirt behind her.

It seemed as though acting without thinking was becoming Derek's style as he followed quickly after Meredith. He walked into the only open door at the end of the hallway and was grabbed by the neck of his shirt and pulled into Meredith's slender body. For someone so small, Meredith definitely had some muscle. She kissed him hungrily before pushing him back onto the edge of her bed and straddling his waist.

Derek kissed her graciously…that is until Meredith started grinding into him and his growing erection thickened to the point of discomfort.

"Meredith," he mumbled, trying to pull away from her lips.

" _Dr._ Shepherd, what are you doing?"

"We can't do this. We both need to go to bed or neither of us will be operating on any brains tomorrow."

"You're no fun," Meredith complained.

"Trust me, I'm very fun, but I'm also a law-abiding citizen who won't be caught in a sexual assault scandal because my girlfriend was drunk."

Meredith froze for a second, then smiled, "You're awesome."

Derek laughed before helping Meredith to change. He then laid spooning her until she fell asleep. When he was sure that she was out, he inched away from her and went out to his car to grab the overnight bag he always had packed and prepared in case he had to stay over at the hospital. He pulled on his pajamas and made himself comfortable on her spacious couch, knowing that he wouldn't feel right if he left her like that.

* * *

Meredith rolled over to her alarm clock at the early hour of 6:15 a.m. and groaned. She couldn't remember how she had gotten home last night or why she was in sweatpants and her ripped Dartmouth tee. As she started to gain full consciousness of her surroundings, she smelled something amazing cooking downstairs. She stumbled to her feet and decided to go see what Izzie was making.

She took the stairs carefully one at a time, relishing the cool of the wood against her feet. She stepped into the kitchen and yawned, "Morning," as she took a seat at the table and put her head in her hands.

"Good morning," Meredith heard and her blood froze. She looked up, her eyes wide, and she saw Derek cooking at her stove top.

"What are you doing here?" she choked out.

"I'm cooking you breakfast," Derek smiled.

"How did you get into my house?" Meredith was panicking. She couldn't understand why he was in her house at all, let alone long before she woke up.

"I've been here all night, Mer. Do you not remember?"

"No…did we…we didn't…" she stammered. Meredith felt herself start to shake and heard the blood rushing in her ears.

"No, of course not! Meredith, I would never do anything with you without your lucid consent." Meredith breathed out a sigh of relief. She swallowed roughly, a tear slipping from her eye.

"Hey, what's wrong? Meredith…do you not believe me?"

"I believe you. It's just the fear I felt when I thought something may have happened. And now…I'm sorry that I doubted you. You're here before six in the morning making me breakfast, being nothing but sweet and caring, and I…"

"Meredith, no. You're doing nothing wrong. Now stop crying, and dig into my famous pancakes. We have two longs surgeries ahead of us and I don't want you passing out on me in the OR," Derek said, placing a plate of pancakes in front of Meredith before bending down to give her a light kiss on the lips.

Meredith contemplated ending the whole conversation entirely, but opted to keep talking while she ate.

"So…did you sleep alright while you were here?"

"Yes actually. Your couch is very comfortable," Derek smiled. It was in that moment that she realized he was wearing a simple navy t-shirt and navy and red plaid flannel pants. She squinted.

"Did you go back to your place to get pajamas and then come back here?"

"No, I always have an overnight bag packed with me in my car in case I decide to stay over at the hospital one night that I'm not on-call. Sometimes it's easier to just stay rather than drive home to drive back several hours later when my next shift starts."

Meredith nodded her approval and then moaned in appreciation; Derek's pancakes were better than any diner she had ever been to.

"These are amazing," Meredith approved.

"I've been told. I'm glad you like them," Derek smiled, "Now eat up and get ready. We have to leave in 30 minutes in order to get in on time to prep our patients."

Meredith turned and watched him make his way into the living room to grab his things, admiring his delectable backside. He ran his right hand through his sleep-ruffled inky mane, and she could only think of how much she wanted to run her hands through it. A chill ran down her spine from how physically attracted she was to him.

But she knew it wasn't just the scorching masculinity he oozed that drew her to him. Meredith enjoyed him on an emotional level, too. And she couldn't wait to enjoy his talents soon in the OR. He was all hers to watch and admire all day throughout surgeries.

It was in that moment that she realized just how much and how fast she was falling for Derek Shepherd…and it didn't scare her.

* * *

 **So…Meredith is feeling things and Derek is…well we haven't really gotten an inside look into Derek's mind, but if we know Derek the way we all do, he's feeling things, too. Of course he is. Okay, so I am actually at the point where the next chapter will be where we find out about Meredith's past according to the outline, so I promise, there will be no more waiting after the next chapter. The next chapter will have sensitive information but not an exponential amount of detail. I will warn everyone at the beginning of the chapter again. I appreciate all the reviews, followers, and favorites I have received from everyone. They drive me to keep writing. Please keep reviewing, following and favoriting on this chapter! Thanks everyone and I'll post again as soon as I can! :)**


	10. Chapter 9

**Hello everyone! Sorry for being gone so long! Professors think it's funny to give you three weeks' worth of work to do in just a week, so I've been spending my time ensuring that everything gets done while writing bits and pieces as I can. Even so, since I last updated, I had the opportunity to meet SHONDA RHIMES! It was an amazing experience, one that I won't soon forget. Anyways, thank you to everyone who has reviewed and stayed by my side with this story even with the lengthy waits between chapters. I realized that while I was writing this chapter that I didn't necessarily have a planned way for Meredith to talk about her past with Derek, but it came to me as I wrote. Because of the way this chapter is structured, I couldn't manage to write her story into this chapter, however you'll see at the end that I have written myself into a place where I can't hold off on the conversation anymore. Since I didn't reveal this chapter, I'm apologizing by giving you a long chapter. It's the longest one that I have written for you guys, and I'm so excited for you to read it. Without further ado, Chapter 9 of** _ **Rise Up**_ **!**

* * *

Meredith sat quietly in the passenger seat of Derek's car with her left hand in his right, smiling and silently admiring Derek and the way he could handle the vehicle effortlessly. She felt the hormones rushing through her veins as she witnessed the rawness of his masculinity in profile. The combination of that with his perfectly tousled hair and the light stubble he had along his mandible dripped sex.

 _No, Meredith. Back out of that dark corner and go stand in the light._ Meredith toes flexed at the realization that she was drifting towards the kind of relationship where sex wouldn't be a question of when; she knew there wouldn't be a question at all. What she felt when her lips were against his told her that it would be the kind of relationship where they'd be together in that way nearly every night they were together geographically. She knew it would be an unspoken agreement that would lead them to being connected in the most intimate of ways. _Too fast! You've only known this guy for a month. You knew Brian for four years and look how well that turned out._

Meredith's smile didn't falter as she pushed that thought process aside and turned her attention back to Derek and his terrible taste in music. She had been so enthralled by the shear beauty that was Derek Shepherd that she hadn't realized that he was crooning away to The Clash…and it still made her smile. She chuckled to herself at the notion of anyone even remotely liking any more of The Clash than "London Calling" and "Should I Stay or Should I Go," both of which she saw as highly overrated.

"What's so funny?" Derek questioned, forgetting about the song.

"Your terrible taste in music."  
"The Clash isn't terrible. They're iconic."

Meredith laughed out loud, saying, "I mean I guess it makes sense that your taste in music is awful."

"Okay, for argument's sake, why does my _hypothetical_ 'terrible taste in music' make sense?"

"Well, I mean, come on! You're a ridiculously handsome, brilliant neurosurgeon. You can't have _everything_ , so clearly your tastes in music are what suffered here."

Derek smiled adoringly at her as he laughed at her flawed logic; he knew that The Clash was great and that's all that mattered.

"So what you're saying is that you don't like when I do this," Derek teased and rejoined Joe Strummer, intentionally singing slightly out of key. Meredith laughed gleefully at his antics.

"How on earth did I start to fall for someone who likes The Clash?" Meredith wondered out loud.

Her blood froze and she stiffened as she realized what she had just done. She pleaded that Derek's incessant singing and the volume of the track had kept him for hearing what she had uttered, but those hopes shattered as Derek pulled his hand from hers and quickly forced his fingers against the radio's off button.

Meredith quickly glanced away from Derek and out the window, praying he wouldn't bring it up. She saw that they had pulled into the hospital parking lot, but rather than parking in his normal spot, he chose to park practically as far from the doors as possible. Meredith shifted to undo her seatbelt and get out but Derek caught her hand in his and used his left hand to lift her chin to look at him.

"Meredith," Derek said simply. She swallowed hard, trying to fend off his upcoming interrogation.

"Meredith, what did you just say?"

"I don't know," she shrugged noncommittally.

"You said…you're falling for me?" Meredith bit her lip lightly and squeezed her eyes shut. Her breathing was shaky but she couldn't focus on regulating it.

"Meredith, look at me." There was a pleading to his voice and she didn't like that she was the reason it was there. She opened her eyes slowly and looked into his endless blues and saw his desperation to know the truth.

"You're falling for me?" he asked again.

"Yes," she whispered as quietly as she could manage.

The next moment passed in a blur and she was surprised to find Derek's lips firmly pressed against hers, kissing her hungrily. It wasn't a purely carnal kiss, but rather it was the perfect mix of passion and desire, something that an outsider could tell was driven by the loving need of his to be with her in any and every way possible.

Their lips separated and she felt Derek dragging his nose across the angle of hers, stopping its ascent at her hairline. His lips pressed gently against her forehead.

"Never be afraid to tell me how you feel. _Especially_ when it's something like that," Derek murmured.

"Okay," she mumbled her response.

"Mer, what's wrong?" he asked, immediately sensing the change.

"It slipped out, okay? But if it wouldn't have, it would've been really hard for me to have just admitted openly to you or _anyone_ for that matter! And you know now and you didn't say it back or even reassure me of anything, so I look like the idiot!" she announced dejectedly.

They sat in silence for several moments, Meredith feeling the relationship slipping from her grasp. She glanced carefully at Derek and saw him looking straight at her, his attention not deviating.

"I never thought it needed to be said," he finally said, "I figured my actions would've told you what I was thinking. I thought that you saying that now was just your response to picking up the feelings that I have set out. But _of course_ , I'm falling for you, Meredith. I would've never admitted this from the beginning since I know you wanted to take this slowly, but I think I fell for you the moment you challenged me in the bar on the night we met," Derek said carefully.

Meredith looked down at her fingers as they knotted together, "It's a fairly new thing, but it's really hard for me to trust people. I want to trust you, but it's like a survival instinct not to."

She heard his seatbelt release and then felt his arms gathering her in a hug. He pressed his lips to her temple, "Do you want to talk about it?" She shook her head.

"Do you think you'll ever tell me?"

"I've known you a _month_ , Derek. You can't push me like that or _you'll_ be pushed away!"

"Mer, calm down. I didn't mean it like that. I actually want to know if you think you'll reach the point where you will feel comfortable talking about it. I'd just like to believe that we're going somewhere and that that somewhere has us knowing everything about each other."

Meredith felt anxiety creeping up on her and decided that her best bet was to avoid the situation and flee.

"We should head in and get ready. We have surgeries to get through," Meredith said, unbuckled herself, and stepped out of the car.

When she heard his door open, she said, "I'll pull up Mr. Jarvis' file after I've changed and I'll prep him for surgery," and she took off towards the entrance to the hospital.

Still sitting in the driver's seat, Derek dropped his head to the steering wheel and rested it against his hands. He couldn't fathom her taking off like she had, especially after he admitted to her that he was falling for her, too, which is exactly what she had asked to hear. He was started to think that maybe Meredith and all of her baggage wasn't worth the hassle, especially if he was never going to get anywhere with her.

 _But you really like her, and you don't give up on something you care about. You've been there, so you know. Lindsey gave up on you because you were busy building a career and she was only concerned with herself. Don't be the person who gives up because it's hard and you want things to be simple. After all, aren't the best things in life the ones you have to work for?_

Derek closed his door and started the engine again. Just because she chose to walk from the back of the parking lot didn't mean he had to.

* * *

Meredith chose to silently watch Derek perform Mr. Jarvis' craniotomy, remaining as far away from him as she could and still close enough to get the experience from the surgery. She felt the relationship falling apart the whole time and knew it mustn't just be what she was feeling; the fact that Derek wasn't actively attempting to get to her move closer to his work told her that he felt the rift, too.

After monitoring Mr. Jarvis' in recovery for a bit to ensure he'd be able to breathe without the intubation, they had moved on to Mrs. Anderson's tumor removal. After the morning she had had, Meredith was surprised that she was even an inkling more interested in this surgery after practically wasting an incredible learning experience with one of the brightest neurosurgeons of the day.

She decided to put at least most of what happened that morning aside in order to really absorb the surgery, but when Derek was finally at the point where he was about to cut, her pager went off.

When Meredith didn't make a move to check her pager, Derek chastised her, "Never ignore a page. If you've been paged, you answer it."

She sighed and moved away from the patient to look at the page she'd been sent, groaning internally, "It says they need all available personnel in the pit. I'm in surgery."

"Dr. Grey, your hands won't be touching this woman's brain. I just have to cut and close. You may go," Derek said. She flinched a little at the coldness in his voice, but turned and went to scrub out without saying another word.

As she exited the scrub room, her thoughts drifted between her newest failed relationship and the mess she was about to come in contact with in the pit. She was expecting, and frankly hoping for, large amounts of blood that required immediate surgery, preferably ones that fell anywhere but neuro.

The elevator was nearly straight down the hallway from the OR she had just emerged from, but it felt miles away. Maybe that was just her brain playing with her about how it was with Derek; their physical distance wasn't even fifty yards, but emotionally, they were on different planets. She reached the elevators and pressed the button, waiting as patiently as she could manage in her current state.

A chill ran down her spine; she felt as though she were being watched. It wasn't the same feeling as she had normally when walking around the hospital under the surveillance of video cameras. This was eerily different, almost as if she were in some sort of horror movie. Meredith checked behind herself, not seeing anyone out of the ordinary in the hallway.

She exhaled, reassuring herself that her mind was playing tricks on her and she had nothing to be concerned about. She glanced into the hallway to her left as she waited for the elevator to arrive.

A man in casual clothing was glancing in and out of recovery rooms near the opposite end of that hallway. He seemed to be looking for someone recovering from surgery. _Does he not realize that he can't be on the recovery floor? Why hasn't anyone called him on it and sent him back to the waiting room?_

"Excuse me, sir," Meredith heard herself call. He turned to look at her and she went flush. _Brian._

Her fight-or-flight response kicked in immediately and she took off back towards the operating rooms. She heard her name being called from around the corner as she reentered OR 3 where Derek was working. She stood frozen in the scrub room, refusing to turn and watch the surgery from the distance. Her grip on the edge of the scrub sink was knuckle-whiteningly tight as her world collapsed around her.

* * *

Derek had seen unexpected movement above his line of vision and quickly glanced up to see what had caught his attention. He'd seen Meredith leave, but he was definitely looking at the back of her head, her luxurious blonde hair tied back.

Knowing he couldn't stop operating to ask her himself, he asked that one of the scrub nurses go to talk to her, requesting that Meredith be asked why she had returned to the OR instead of following orders to go to the pit.

Derek continued carefully cutting along the margins of tumor, ensuring that he would not be clipping any part of Mrs. Anderson's cerebral cortex. He had successfully made incisions along the perimeter of the tumor and was preparing to excise it from his patient's head when the nurse, whose name Derek still didn't know since he was still pretty new to the hospital, came back looking both a bit uncomfortable and concerned.

"What did Dr. Grey say to you?" Derek asked calmly as he continued to operate.

"She didn't. She didn't say anything no matter how many times I asked her. She just stood there."

Derek stayed silent and finished his procedure as quickly as he could manage while still maintaining accuracy and safety. After removing the tumor and checking to make sure he removed the whole of it, he requested that the surgical resident in the room close Mrs. Anderson's skull and get her prepared to be moved into recovery. Derek walked into the scrub room and went around Meredith to the sink beside her. He turned on the sink and started to clean his hands before casually starting a conversation with her. He knew to tread lightly, especially after the outburst from that morning.

"So what happened to going to the pit?" he asked nonchalantly.

"I started…I came back."

"Did you receive a new page telling you to stay where you were?"

"No."

"Meredith, you need to tell me what's going on. You were under my supervision and you didn't show up, which means that I have to be able to explain why you neglected your page and instead stayed in the OR."

"He's here," Meredith whispered as if she'd seen a ghost.

"He's here?"

"Remember how I said someone from Dartmouth was coming to Seattle to see me? He's _here_. Probably outside of this OR."

He saw the fear on Meredith's face and realized this was much more than just someone from her past reappearing.

"He's not a friend," Derek said bluntly. She swallowed roughly and shook her head slowly, refusing to make eye contact with him. Derek dried his hands off and put his hands on the edge of the sink, leaning back against it with his feet crossed in front of him. He waited to see if she'd speak on her own or if she'd need to be prompted.

"Dr. Shepherd—" Meredith started. Derek's lips were against hers in a light, loving kiss.

After a moment, he broke the kiss, slightly breathless, and said, "Colleagues don't do _that_. If we aren't talking at work and talking _about_ work, I'm Derek. And when I'm Derek, everything you say to me is confidential."

She looked at him with tears glistening in her eyes.

"I think he's still out there," she whispered.

"He won't do anything if I'm around. Come on," he urged.

Meredith took a step towards him and followed him out of the operating room, sensing the impending chaos that would ensue.

Derek wrapped his right arm possessively around her back as they walked towards the elevators to go check Mr. Jarvis' post-op scores. He felt Meredith stiffen as they passed a brunette male of just an inch or so shorter than he. Derek held onto her protectively, warning off this man's searing gaze. He wasn't sure if he should be jealous or broodingly confident; he sprung for the latter.

When they paused at the elevator, waiting for it to arrive, Derek turned and glared back, not bothering to try to be nonchalant about it; he was fine with being obvious about his intentions and Meredith didn't seem to notice the sharp change in his personality for those moments. Derek kept his eyes firmly set on this man, not backing down when whoever he was challenged him back. He ushered Meredith into the elevator without looking in front of him when it announced its presence, pressing the button for the third floor.

"Aren't we going to see Mr. Jarvis on the sixth floor?" Meredith asked quietly.

When the doors closed, Derek pressed the buttons for four and six as well, "Yes, but he's going to be looking to see what floor he has to go to to find you again. This way, he'll be waiting on three."

"I'm sorry he's here. I didn't expect that he'd follow me."

"Meredith, I don't care that he's here. I just need you to tell me why. Why is he here?"

She bit her lip, unsure of what to say, settling on, "He has a friend at the police station in Boston who warned him of a warrant that was coming out to arrest him."

"The officer shouldn't have a job after this stunt. Why are they taking him into custody?" Derek asked. He felt it; he knew he was about to find out about Meredith's past and why things were so difficult for her.

"Because he shouldn't be allowed to practice medicine."

 _That's it? That's why Meredith is so torn up from leaving Boston? She reported him to the police for whatever reason and now he's here so she's upset. But…that leaves too many blanks. Is her nonchalance strategic to leave out as many details as possible?_

"There's more than that, Meredith. Anyone could tell."

"So what if there is? It's not important right now."

"It's _very_ important now! I just got myself involved in whatever you have going on with this man because I was protecting you. I'm at a disadvantage right now," Derek explained.

"I can't talk about this! Why can't you just let it go?" That shook Derek. He was expecting her to understand his position and give in. Instead, he gets an angry girlfriend and more ignorance. He decided he was better off letting it go than pushing it. Based on that choice, he flipped the switch from devoted boyfriend to uninterested superior. And as her superior, he was responsible for delegating work to her to make his life easier. The elevator pinged as it arrived at the fifth floor.

"Dr. Grey, please go monitor my post-ops. Page me if anything changes with either of them," he said simply.

Meredith's jaw dropped, stunned at the broad jump he had just taken in roles, and whispered, "Derek."

"Right now, I'm Dr. Shepherd. Since you refuse to let me help _you_ , I'm going to go back to helping others and saving lives. I suggest you do the same," he announced confidently, taking a step towards the doors of the elevator.

"I don't—"

"Stop making excuses and get to work!" he shouted before stepping out of the elevator and walking briskly towards the nurse's station, leaving Meredith dumbfounded, scared, and alone.

* * *

Derek never received a page from Meredith, so he assumed that his patients had suffered no post-operative problems. He knew that the neuro resident on the floor would have conducted full neuro exams to ensure there were no deficits and that he would have heard immediately if anything was found. Derek knew regardless of what had happened, this man, whoever he was, was still in the hospital looking for her. He notified security of the intruder and requested that a guard be dispatched to every floor, especially three, to keep an eye out for him. He gave specific directions to remove the brunette man, who wasn't carrying a visitor's badge, from the premises

Derek had spent the rest of his day in his office, catching up on paperwork. His shift wasn't set to end until five, but by 4:15, he had finished all of his work. He made the decision that he deserved to get off a little bit early after everything he had been going through, so he gathered his things, changed back into his street clothes, and walked across the street to the bar.

He was sitting on a barstool at the bar, tossing back his second single malt scotch of the evening, wincing slightly at the burn as it rolled down his throat. Even so, he felt the alcohol crawl through his veins, a feeling that he desperately craved after the stressful day he had had. Two surgeries, two fights with Meredith, and a potentially dangerous man from her past.

 _She warned you that she was difficult and came with a lot of baggage. You thought you could handle it, promised her you could. Now look at you: shutting down, abandoning her, and drowning your sorrows in booze._

… _But is it really abandoning her if she hasn't given you the opportunity to come in? She's not in this the way you are. Not yet. She may be falling for you, but she isn't in this._

 _Then make her get in this! You didn't pursue her for a short-term fling; you wanted a partner. You saw it in her, so make her see it in you. This is time for damage control. You need to fix this. You'll be on thin ice with her after leaving without her, but if you do nothing, it'll shatter._

* * *

Derek wasn't sure how long it had been by the time he pulled up to Meredith's house. He also wasn't completely certain as to how he got there even though he made sure to sober up completely before getting behind the wheel. Regardless, he couldn't put the day out of his head without seeing her. The door to her house had been open; he made a mental note to chastise her about that later. He'd have to put that one aside for a while though as he was on a mission to right everything from the day.

He took the steps quietly and walked down the hallway to her bedroom. He glanced in from the doorway, seeing that she was laying on her side with her back to the door. Derek slipped out of his shoes and climbed onto the bed behind her, spooning her closely and kissing her hair.

"I left early, but that's no excuse for leaving without you," he said. He knew she was awake and fully aware of who he was; she had taken in a shaky breath like she was unsure of everything, but also had turned slightly so she was pressed tighter against him, a move reserved for someone she was familiar with. She didn't speak or move any more, but that didn't deter Derek.

"Now you're not talking to me. I was a jerk. Sometimes boyfriends can be jerks. Doesn't mean you stop talking to them…you get that I'm saying I'm sorry right?" Derek sighed.

He felt Meredith take a deep breath, "You yelled at me for no reason, then you walked away, and now you show up here."

"Of course I showed up. Why wouldn't I? You don't trust me?"

"I do," Meredith announced, rolling in his arms to lay facing him on her other side.

"Okay, well this is how it works. You fight sometimes, and somebody apologizes."

"Well how am I supposed to know that?" That piqued Derek's interest. _Why wouldn't you know that? Unless…unless she's never dated this way_. Derek gazed carefully at Meredith, hesitating a moment before speaking.

"You've never done this before," he stated.

"No, I've never done this before," she admitted.

"Okay, all right. From now on, you can expect that I'm gonna show up. Even if I yell. Even if _you_ yell. I'm always going to show up, okay?"

Meredith nodded minutely and smiled lightly. Derek put his hand on her cheek and kissed her gently. When they broke apart, he saw Meredith gazing intently into his eyes. She took a deep breath and let it out.

"It happened a week before graduation…"

* * *

 **See what I meant? Next chapter will revolve around Meredith's past, guaranteed considering Meredith just started the conversation. I apologize for the cliffhanger, but I didn't want to hold off on posting for any longer and I want to devote time to writing her past into the story. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please review or message me and keep following and favoriting! If you don't, you may miss the next update and then you won't know how Meredith came to be in Seattle with Derek! Enjoy your Thanksgivings!**


	11. Chapter 10

**Hello to everyone! Happy Tuesday!** _ **Grey's Anatomy**_ **and the rest of T.G.I.T. is back this Thursday, and I'm really excited about that. And I'm also really excited to share with you this chapter of** _ **Rise Up**_ **after being M.I.A. with posting for just over two months. Again, I apologize immensely for not posting, but as I mentioned in the no-longer present Author's Note, I am a college student and I was working through finals, and then I had surgery. After recovering from surgery, I ended up getting sick for a few days, and then I started class again. Thankfully, I had a little bit of spare time tonight (for the first time in what feels like a while) to sit down and edit this chapter to make it the best I could for all of you lovelies!**

 **Warning: This chapter contains Meredith's story and extremely sensitive material. While I didn't write the scene that everything actually happened and you only learn of the details of it, if there is some reason (regardless of what it is, I don't need to know) that you would like to know what happened to Meredith before reading the chapter so you can prepare yourself, please message me privately and I'd be happy to let you know!**

 **Don't forget to review, follow, favorite, or message me…feedback is one of my driving forces! Now for the moment for which you all have been waiting patiently, enjoy Chapter 10 of** _ **Rise Up**_ **!**

 _He showed up…Derek showed up after you blew him off. He wasn't in the right when he stormed off, but he still came back for you. He cares…not many people would_ , Meredith's subconscious cooed.

 _Don't push him away if he'll still have you…and he will_ , Meredith heard Abbey saying.

 _Two hours before…_

 _Meredith had managed to hold herself together for the rest of the day, but when she walked through the door of her house, which she knew would be empty, her eyes betrayed her and tears began to fall. She knew it was ridiculous to be crying over a failed relationship that hadn't even really started, but she had already admitted out loud to Derek that she was falling for him; knowing that their chance was gone hurt more than it should have. Maybe it was just because it was Derek, but it killed her._

 _ **Maybe he's realized that you're too immature for him. He**_ _ **is**_ _ **more than ten years older than you and he has had experience with women before you. He finally figured out that your immaturity and inability to open up isn't worth it**_ , _Meredith's subconscious taunted her._

 _She pulled out her cell phone and dialed quickly, without thinking to make sure Abbey would be available. At this point, it didn't matter; this was a crisis and Abbey would understand. The phone rang for what felt like an eternity before it stopped and Abbey's soothing voice took over._

 _"Hey Mer! How's Seattle treating you?" Abbey asked. Meredith's subconscious rolled its eyes, priming her to divulge everything._

 _"Awful. Things couldn't get much worse around here. I don't know where he is now, but Brian showed up at the hospital today," Meredith complained._

 _"Wait, what?! He's in Seattle? Did he approach you?"_

 _"Well he was definitely looking for me! I actually saw him in recovery without a physician and I called him on it before I knew who he was. As soon as he saw it was me, he followed."_

 _"What did you do?"_

 _"…I ran. I had been in one of the ORs, so I ran back into it and hid in the scrub room," Meredith recalled._

 _"Nothing happened when you left?" Abbey asked curiously._

 _"No. Derek was the attending in the surgery I had been in, so he escorted me out."_

 _"That was sweet. How is he anyways? How are things with you guys?"_

 _"I don't know. And I don't think there is an 'us' anymore."_

 _"What?" Abbey gasped, "What happened?"_

 _"He's upset that I haven't told him what happened, especially now that_ _ **he**_ _is here and Derek got involved. He thinks that he has the right to know what happened since he got confrontational and territorial with Brian."_

 _"Mer, I know you don't want to hear this, but he's right. If he's going to blindly protect you and put himself into potential harm's way, he should know why. From what you've told me about him, Derek seems like a really good, trustworthy guy. You knew that if your relationship progressed that you'd need to tell him."_

 _"I know! But I told him that I'm falling for him this morning! He's going to run for the hill when I tell him. Derek's smart; he won't want to get himself caught up in the drama that's going to unfold soon. He has a ridiculously successful career and himself to worry about," Meredith rambled._

 _"Woah, stop! You told him you're falling for him? Mer, that's great! And he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would care about all of this. It won't bother him, what happened to you. He'll just want to be there for you, at least that's the guy you've made him out to be," Abbey explained._

 _"Abbey…he got angry when I wouldn't tell him. He yelled, stormed off, and left the hospital tonight without me…without even telling me. That tells me that he has decided it's over."_

 _"Meredith, I know you've never been in a real relationship, so let me explain to you how this works. You don't get to decide what he's thinking for him. Unless he says the words, you're his girlfriend. And if you were to want out, he's still your boyfriend unless you say the words to him. He hasn't called anything off."_

 _It felt as though Meredith's chest was being compressed. It didn't hurt, but felt tight with emotion._

" _What if when I see him next, he tells me it's over?" Meredith whispered, pained._

" _If that were to happen, then it's over. But he won't. Just talk to him. He deserves to know. And if he's_ _ **anything**_ _like the guy you've been telling me he is, Derek will still want to be with you regardless."_

" _I just…he gave up. He yelled and left. Maybe I should just let it go even if he's still in this relationship."_

" _No. Don't push him away if he'll still have you…and he will. I can't imagine that Derek is the kind of guy to just up and bolt when things get hard. Considering how hard he pined for you, I'd say you have nothing to worry about."_

" _He told me that he's falling for me too…says he started as soon as he met me in the bar," Meredith admitted quietly._

 _Abbey paused, "Don't let him go, Meredith. He's good for you." Meredith could hear the smile in her best friend's voice._

Meredith couldn't believe that after all of that, his arms were wrapped around her now, practically pressing her against him. She breathed him in, her hands lightly clutching onto his shirt at his abdomen. Derek smelled of evergreens and scotch, though it wasn't alcohol on his breath; Meredith smelled the masculinity of Derek's favorite drink.

Abbey's words echoed in Meredith's head: _If he's going to blindly protect you and put himself into potential harm's way, he should know why._ She took a deep breath and looked into his deep blue eyes.

"It happened a week before graduation. I—" Meredith started but found herself interrupted.

"Meredith, no. I didn't mean to push you. I don't want our relationship to be like this. You need to be you and take all of the time you need, and I need to be more patient and understanding," Derek announced.

"Derek, you are the most patient and understanding person I know. You've waited almost a month to know and you get why I haven't told you. But it's time. You may have put yourself into harm's way by protecting me earlier. You deserve to know why."  
"I don't _deserve_ anything. That's not how it works. If I deserve to know, that means I have a sense of entitlement, which I don't. When you feel that it is time to tell me, it will be only because I've _earned_ it. If I didn't earn the information, it's not mine to know."

"You _have_ earned it, Derek," Meredith admitted.

"How? What's changed since earlier today when you couldn't stand the idea of me knowing?"

Meredith shrugged, "I thought I lost you." She heard Derek take a deep breath and then he kissed her forehead.

"You can't lose me that easily." That made her smile.

"Derek, you're sensitive, understanding, and you protected me blindly. I can't let this turn into the kind of relationship my parents had. It needs to be give-and-take, but if I let you keep giving to me without me giving back to you, I'm no better than my mother…and the only time I want to be compared to her is in my knowledge and ability as a surgeon."

"Mer, don't worry about it. You give me plenty."

"That's not true. And if I don't start, you'll resent me for it later."

"I could never resent you," Derek whispered, trailing his fingers down her cheek.

"Thank you…it happened a week before graduation—"

"Meredith, are you sure you're ready for this?"

 _One month before…_

 _If she had been asked what she would be doing the day before she graduated medical school, Meredith never would have said that she'd be sitting in the office of a hospital psychologist. That's about the last place she would want to be, but after this sudden change in the course of her life, she felt it was only right that_ _ **someone**_ _knew why she would no longer be working at Massachusetts General._

 _"I know you were in our emergency department last week. Meredith, are you sure you're ready for this? Many people who deal with assaults aren't open to discussing things right away."_

 _"I know, and I'm one of them. I'm not ready, but I'll never be. But being that I'll be leaving the east coast immediately after I graduate tomorrow, it's really now or never to talk about it," Meredith muttered._

 _"Then by all means, go ahead," Dr. Rodgers offered._

 _"Last week, I was raped. Someone I saw as my friend, someone with whom I wanted to be more than friends all through med school…he violated me in a way that no woman, no_ _ **person**_ _, should ever be exposed to."_

 _"And how are you coping with this?"_

 _"I guess I'm really not. I'm leaving, aren't I? I'm letting him win and I'm running away. But what else would someone do when someone they came to trust rapes them?"_

" _Meredith, your sympathetic nervous system is telling you to run. It's simple fight-or-flight. And it isn't abnormal for someone to run away after going through what you did," Dr. Rodgers explained, "But aside from this incident, I don't see anything in your chart or history that makes me think that you can't overcome this here, surrounded by people who love you."_

" _They found Rohypnol in my blood. Does your chart tell you that? Or how about the physical trauma he brought to my body? Why should I have to deal with that? …It's easier to just leave it all behind and start over," Meredith muttered._

 _"Meredith, what happened to you is not your fault. And you shouldn't feel like you need to leave your life behind just because someone out there made a poor decision."_

 _"I know I don't have to…but I'm better off elsewhere. He would be working in the same hospital as me starting next week. And getting a colleague arrested won't look good for me. I'd lose everything and everyone anyways, so at least this way, I have a chance of starting over."_

Derek listened carefully, feeling his heart break at her terrible story and the tears that slipped from her eyes. When Meredith finished talking, Derek watched her carefully. Her eyes were closed gently, her body unmoving. Derek pressed a kiss to the top of her head and felt her physically relax.

"I understand why you didn't want to tell me," he spoke into her hair.

"So I guess that's the end of this," Meredith mumbled into his shirt. Derek's eyes snapped open, trying to figure out if she had just broken up with him. He pulled himself out of the hug only enough that he could see her face.

"What do you mean?" he questioned quietly.

"Well, now that you know, I don't see why you'd want to be with me anymore. Who would want to be with someone like me after knowing what I've been through?"

"I would, Meredith. I want to be with someone _exactly_ like you."

"Remember when I slapped you after our kiss in the on-call room?" she murmured.

"How could I forget? It was by far the most memorable and incredible kiss that I've ever had the privilege of receiving."

"I could tell…you…you swelled in your pants that day," she recounted. Derek paused, trying to figure out how he wanted to proceed. _She smacked me because her kiss aroused me? Oh Meredith, he really did a number on you._

He hesitated and said, "You thought I was going to try and act on that desire. You thought I might try and pressure you into something?"

"Derek, trust is a problem for me after what happened."

"Meredith, I promise that I won't pressure you into anything. I don't want to do anything until you're ready for that step." She couldn't respond to that; she didn't know how.

"As for the smack…Meredith, you're a doctor. You know how the human body works. I can't have you hitting me every time I get a little excited. If that happens again, just know that I am not going to force myself upon you. I won't expect anything to be done, but you have to understand that it's going to happen. How could it not when I'm kissing the most beautiful woman in the world?" Derek added.

Meredith could barely breathe; here she was expecting to lose the person who was proving to be an integral part of her life, but instead she fell further under his spell. She wove her hands in to the curls at his neck and brought his mouth to hers.

"What about everything with Brian? He knows where I am now," Meredith asked when they broke apart.

"Whatever happens, I'm here. If you take him to court, I'll be there to support you every day of the trial. If you decide to let him go back and live his life unscathed, I'll accept that and move forward with you. Regardless of Brian, I am yours, and I am not going anywhere."

"I filed a police report before I came to Seattle. It's only a matter of time before it catches up to us and causes a scene."

"Meredith, it doesn't matter to me what demons you have. Nothing you could have gone through could change the way that I feel about you."

"You don't know what you're saying, Derek. You could—"

"No, Meredith. _You could_ accept that I want to be with you regardless of the skeletons in your closet. You didn't commit a crime; you were a victim. What do you need me to do to get you to see that I'm not going _anywhere_? We're in this together," Derek swore.

Meredith paused a moment and nodded, "Okay."

Derek smiled at her, pushing his lips against hers. For the first time in the weeks that he'd known her, Derek felt like he was getting somewhere with Meredith Grey…somewhere good.

 **So there you have it, Meredith's back story. Where I'll go from here, I don't really know. I have some ideas flopping around in my head, but I don't have an actual plan from here. Because of this, it will likely be another extended (hopefully not as long as this past time) period of time before another chapter is released. Just remember that I am not abandoning this story. In the case of any of my stories, past, present, or future, I make sure that I make a post when I decide that a story will be having an unexpected ending. But don't worry! I'm really enjoying writing this one and I don't plan to leave you all high and dry. Please review, follow, favorite, or message me if you'd like! Thanks again!**


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